Colfax McLiverneck

We only have time for one more infuriatingly dismissive gesture on the show—and that’s a little something we call shrugs.

Chapter the Twenty-Fifth: In Which Sir Jason of Mantzoukingham Imbibes a Gill of Madeira and Telegrams Lady Aukingford of the Cornshire Aukingfords at Three in the Morn

Hey mister Nong Man tally up me callbacks—ep is done and me wanna do plugs

This ep is lovely, dark, and cheap / But I have ads and plugs to keep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep

Yes, we have no bananas. Now get the fuck out of Bananaless Republic before I call security.

I did the mash. It was a creamy smash

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s a forced rhyme.

Well I’m runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load because the stool softeners seem to have just exacerbated the log jam.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please disregard this catchphrase and strike it from the record.

Roses are red, corn is yellow, your baby daddy is Elvis Costello!

I’m elastic and you’re adhesive so your malicious invectives rebound off my protective facade and affix themselves to your glue-like exterior.

All the world's a platform, and all the men and women merely content.

Here at Comedy Fang Fang, we have an Open-Casket Policy.

Roses are red, corn is yellow, yo mamma looks like the late Saul Bellow

Zak stars in FernGully. Zach stars in Between Two Ferns. Coincidence? I think so.

Meta comedy isn’t funny. You wanna know what’s funny? Fonzie on water skis. That’s funny.

Alveolar fricative. Dentolabial sibilant. Pharyngeal diphthong. This has been Sexy Phonetics with your host, Hott Linguistman.

Roses are red, corn is yellow, spoiler alert Jay Davidson’s a fellow

I came here to write a catchphrase about chewing bubblegum and kicking ass, but I’m all out of words.

An ear of corn a day keeps He Who Walks Behind the Rows away.

A catchphrase without corn is like a day without sunshine without corn

I came here to chew ass and kick bubblegum, so drop your trousers and put your Juicy Fruit on the floor

Recipient of Corn Digest’s 2019 “Highest Kernel Per Turd” Award

She sold seashells by the seashore until Susanna’s Seaside Sundry Shack and Souvenir Shoppe subverted her scheme by short-selling shinier seashells at substantial savings.

On today’s show, it’s Weird Al’s cousin Regular Al, a small businessman from Riverside.