Colfax McLiverneck

Corndogs and lipstick and KY and latex, mustard and nylons and spark plugs and spandex, old barbed wire corsets and ratcheting rings, these are a few of my favourite things

The thing is, “interesting” means many things to many people. Comedy, for instance, is decidedly uninteresting to me. Corn is where it’s at.

From Second Heynongians, chapter 11, verse 10: "Verily sayest I unto thee, casteth out the ear from thine own eye and then shalt thou see clearly to remove the kernel from thy brother’s eye.”

This ep is lovely, dark, and cheap / And I have ads and plugs to keep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep

More like Cornsquatch

Let us give thanks for this corn, and for that one episode of X-Files with the cockroaches, because it was AWESOME

Well dress me up and call me Sally and spank me with an ear of corn until I call you Daddy

If life gives you salmon, make salmonade!

If you stare long enough into The Abyss, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio will stare back at you.

We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because that sonofabitch hit me in the eye like a pizza pie and I want payback!

Jimmy snapped, cracked, and popped corn and Kellogg filed a lawsuit.

I’m warning you counsel—one more outburst like that and I’ll ask you to furnish your own odor-neutralizing aerosol spray.

I got this partially-masticated ear of corn straight from the horse’s mouth.

I went to the Pomona Free-Range Louse Farm and T-Shirt Outlet and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

You could even make a savory corn patty with some tofu and quinoa and stick it in the middle, maybe with some deli meat and a nice fresh slice of tomato.

You could adhere the corn to the bread with mayonnaise.

Cornwiches are the new avocado toast.

I’m eating a corn sandwich right now.

Visit thecornwichadvocate.com today to join the movement!

“Oh, so now this jackass is doing a bit on corn sandwiches,” you’re thinking. Perhaps. But that doesn’t negate their deliciousness. So if it be a bit, a bit it be.

You put the corn on the wonder bread and eat it all up I said DOCTOR

If this bit be bout a bee that bit me, then a me-bit bee bite bit it be.

A Gallup poll of me showed that 100% of respondents think corn sandwiches “Must be made available immediately.”

Maybe it could be called a cornwich.

It’s like there’s some unwritten rule that says “No corn on sandwiches.”