Colfax McLiverneck

What rough beast slouches toward your ass to be thrown up it?

I came here to chew ass and kick bubblegum, so drop your pants and put your Juicy Fruit on the floor!

Chicken salad sandwich toast, paper airplane brick wall, cat on a keyboard, cat on a truck, F#, G, annnd cut

I came here to kick ass, but if anyone has bubblegum, I’d love a piece before I get started.

Chapter the Fifteenth: In Which the Haberdashers of Cornhamfordshire-upon-Thames Stridently Protest the Upstart “Hatless Stoat Party” In Pickingbottom Square

I came here to shuck corn and kick ass, and I’m all out of corn. I’m also a pacifist, so can someone direct me to the nearest farmer’s market?

Yes, we have no bananas. Now get the fuck out of Bananaless Republic before I call the manager.

Ask not what your nong can hey for you—ask what you can hey for your nong.

Chapter the Fourteenth: In Which a Hatless Stoat is Elected to Parliament and the Queen is Not Amused

The moon is shining and the mimes are stirring so throw it up your ass if your pager’s chirping

Get you some of that cheese money, thou tycoon of Wisconsin, thou captain of curds

Come hither Mister Cucumber Man—the Admiral wishes to tell you a tale about a duplex he flipped in Cleveland

Some people call me the space cowboy, some people call those space cows, and some people call that a space chuckwagon. If that ain’t an episode of Futurama I’ll eat my space hat.

I'm all hat and no cattle, but that’s better than all cattle and no hat, because skin cancer is the number one killer of the hatless.

Bury me not on the lone prairie—instead, dismember my body and inter the parts in several prairies in order to deter mad prairie scientist Dr. Vaquerostein from constructing an undead cowboy from my remains.

It puts the high fructose corn syrup on its skin or else it gets the monosodium glutamate again

Roses are red, corn is yellow, it ain’t no fiddle you hick, it’s a cello

I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that we have corn. The bad news is that Jimmy cracked it.

Elevator pitch: Family of redneck giraffes on the International Space Station. Discuss.

When I was a child, I spake as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things, except for my LEGO Millennium Falcon.

Corn is nature's turd bling.

More like nads and crabs.

There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s money.

Roses are red, corn is yellow, yo mamma looks like Lou Costello

What’s wrong, hot dog?