Colfax McLiverneck

Time is a flat circle. On the wall. We call it a “clock”.

Heynong, Jude.

If we critics have offended, eat a dick and all is mended.

Pantone Orange 1505 C is the new Offset Rich Black.

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail—annnd it sank. That was a TERRIBLE idea.

Fart sound.

If life gives you limes, put them in the coconut and drink ‘em both up.

An ear of corn a day keeps He Who Walks Behind the Rows away.

How much Norris would Chuck Norris Chuck if Chuck Norris could Chuck Norris?

Craptown ladies pushin’ brown, all the doo doo day

Sherlock’s avuncular homunculus frequently bunks with a hunky monocled monk and spelunks his funky trunk while crunking his truncated junk.

Heynong, long-schlonged dugong. Wanna toke a bong and get it on?

Mumblebrag™

Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you develop an aptitude for polyharmonic orchestral theory and multi-instrumental performance.

If life gives you lemonade, reverse-engineer them into lemons and you’ll be famous.

How much lemonade would a tardigrade fabricate if a tardigrade could fabricate lemonade?

Boy the way Glenn Miller played / Songs that made the hit parade / His plane fell in a fusillade / And shaaaaaaarks ate his face

Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in control of the rights to Africa any more.

Never look a left-handed gift moth in the mouth.

A horse is a horse is a horse of course, unless it’s a morse horse, and then it’s a •••• – – – • – • ••• •

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of motorcycle ramps, I shall fear no Knievel.

I came here to crack corn and not care, and I’m all out of corn.

Coming soon to a theater near you: “Con Air 2: Corn Air”, starring Nicornlas Cage, John Cornsack, and John Malcornvich

What’s the deal with corn mazes? No, seriously, what’s the deal? I’ve never been to one.

I’d give an arm and a leg to have just two arms and two legs like a regular person.