Colfax McLiverneck

If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will extend its computer-generated water tentacle and gaze back at you.

Never ask how the creamed corn is made.

Knick knack paddy whack, give the dog a microloan so he can source a viable inventory of bones and build a sustainable supply chain to provide his local homeless canine community with much-needed snacks.

I came here to chew bubblegum and get kicked by ass, which is why I’m here at this farm standing behind a donkey smacking as loudly as I can.

There once was a whale from Nantucket, but he got harpooned for lamp oil.

Listen my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of your mom in my party van in 1978.

One if by land, two if by sea, 7.88 x c23 / (b19 - 1) if by non-Euclidean quantum matrix displacement

If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.

And now a reading from Second Heynongians chapter 7, verse 13: “And when the seal of the Sixth Hundo was opened, the Serpent of Mantzouka descended, married Scott’s ex-girlfriend, and hosted the show for a thousand years or until it was cancelled. Amen.”

This hundo is sponsored by Tim Burton’s Gumbo and this bowl of oyster dumbo.

Breakin’ off another hundo with some classic mumbo jumbo.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran out the clock by taking a knee on the cat’s 25-yard line with 8 seconds remaining.

My bologna has a last name. It’s Jenkins. Bologna Jenkins.

Ohh the weather outside is frightful but your post-modernist arrangements of 14th-century proto-feminist Bavarian devotional vespers convent chant in the style of 1990s Danish synth-pop are so delightful.

A bird in the hand is either very unhappy or dead.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, this catchphrase is boring.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, which was his first mistake.

Let’s all take a moment to remember Hiram K. Ledbetter, 9-time Wisconsin Cornhole Champion. He was truly a cornholer’s cornholer.

Feeling cute, might eat some spinach and stomp a mudhole in Bluto’s candy ass later, idk

I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed esophagus

We’re almost out of time for the catchphrase segment, so here’s a little something we call catchplugs.

I was walking down the street just the other

Somewhere nongs are heying, and somewhere Reggie raps. But there is no cast in Podville—for Scott is taking a nap.

Oh maize, thou glorious golden nugget of nutritious deliciousness, bestow thy corny mercy upon this thy mealy podcast. Ramen.

Can I call you Strange Betty? You can call me Al. Weird Al.