Colfax McLiverneck

One if by land / Two if by sea / f[2Xa-Σ/17] if by dimorphic quantum manifold transference

Corn is for winner, bean is for loser.

Chapter the Thirteenth: In Which a Sinister Chap Dons a Perforated Masque and Becomes Stabby in Piccadilly Street

Franky, my man, I don’t hey a nong.

Recipient of the 12th Annual “Excellence in Continuing to Make My Mom ask ‘What’s a Podcast?’” Award.

You call that a catchphrase? That’s not a catchphrase. THIS is a catchphrase.

Your ego is writing heys that your body can’t nong, man.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is a real creep.

Chapter the Twelfth: In Which a Discombobulated Wharf Rat Wanders into Cornsqueak Street and is Subsequently Elected Constable of Marleybone

Chapter the Eleventh: In Which Sir Pod Casterly Arrives From the Future and Bewitches Lady Cumberteats with His Fashion-Forward Cardigans and Rapier-Like Witticisms

Chapter the Tenth: In Which An Hapless Ninny Imbibes Nine Gills of Gutter Gin on Saint Erasmus’ Day and Finds Himself Incarcerated in Buttshanks-Upon-Cocksfordshire

Chapter the Ninth: In Which Scottrick’s Haberdasher is Stricken with Elbow Gout, Resulting in a Completely Hatless Episode. Repeat, Hatless.

Chapter the Eighth: In Which Timothan the Younger Becomes Discombobulated in a Corn Maze and is Further Hindered by a Surly Five-Legged Stoat

Chapter the Seventh: In Which Our Pilgrim Encounters a Bloviating Milk Camel in Hereford-on-Shartshire and Learns a Valuable Lesson Concerning Personal Hygiene

Well I’m runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load because the colonic flow therapy has been less than successful.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but at the same time, so basically it was just a regular time.

There’s less than one way to skin Schrodinger's cat.

This catchphrase is about whatever you’re thinking about right now. Unless you’re thinking about corn. I don’t write catchphrases about corn, because corn is stupid.

Non sequitur? I barely shampoo Beowulf!

Mr. Nongman walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey!”

Glottalized ejective. Uvular sibilant. Alveolar bilabial. This has been Filthy Phonetics, with your host, Ogod Dontstoperman.

Outside what may be a man in a bear suit, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside what may be a man in a bear suit, it’s both too dark to read and impossible to determine whether it’s a bear or a man in a bear suit.

Catchphart®

And right there, in a cornfield in ancient Nebraska, Jesus himself used a muleosaur to plow the Garden of Reagan and grow the first tobaccy plants. Did you like the story? Good, now go to sleep, you tiny idiots.

What cow? That cow. When cow? Now cow. Why cow? Because cow.