Colfax McLiverneck

James fractured maize, yet I remain uninterested.

And now, a moment of silence for the four street mimes who were killed by a Tesla with license plate RKN MRTY last week.

No one really time to listen to this corny podcast.

Baseball fun fact: Cardinal Field was named after Cardinal Jameson Henry Field, St. Louis Diocese, 1834-1912.

Inside baseball fun fact: inside of a baseball, it’s too dark to read. Or play baseball.

Baseball fun fact: baseball is not fun.

Baseball fun fact: 1902 Ithaca Haberdashers pitcher Hieronymus Crabknuckle was notorious for using lightly-masticated corn silk to lubricate his balls.

Zeno of Elea walks halfway into a bar.

Baseball fun fact: “Can of corn” is a term referring to a can of corn thrown at an outfielder by a naughty fan to keep him from catching a high, slow, easy fly ball.

Your mom sells ho-shells by the ho-shore.

I went to Cornbaum’s Exotic Louse Farm and T-Shirt Outlet and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

She vends discarded mollusk carapaces down by the littoral boundary.

Why was Tenvel afraid of Sevenvel? Because Sevenvel Eightvel Ninevel.

Found only in the arboreal mists of central Alabama, the Giggling Corn Squirrel has but one natural predator—Gordon “The Squirrel Strangler” Gano.

Please sign up for the CBB Advanced Defenestration Seminar in the Dalton Wilcox Memorial Ballroom today at 3pm. $12 per person; free with donation of two cans of corn.

Corn. Corndog. Hotdog. Dogtown. Towns in Virginia. Anapolis. Polis. Police. Police Squad. Squat. Quart. Quart of Milk. White. White House! It’s in the White House!

Fun Fact: Cornhole is a game where you throw li’l bags of corn at holes in a board while shotgunning natty light and then black out in your 2004 PT Cruiser in the Walmart parking lot at two in the afternoon

Whippersnapper? I barely know her snapper!

This is the true story of Sir Slaytang and his trusty sidekick Earpuppy, on a quest to Mount Coagulax to rescue the Holy Receptacle of Akron from the nefarious Cornburglar. Our tale begins in Nebraska...

Cornburglar says “cobble cobble”.

There once was a man from Corntucket whose cob was so long he could shuck it.

It’s not that I don’t care if Jimmy cracked corn, it’s that I don’t know what cracking corn is.

This is a catchphrase read by an idiot, referencing corn, signifying nothing.

If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.

Never assume. It makes an ass out of the word assume by dropping the final syllable.