Colfax McLiverneck

I don't nong half of you half as well as I hey; and I hey less than half of you half as well as you nong.

I am the Michael Jordan of being nothing like Michael Jordan.

Snappy the Hump-Duck was a mopey, hateful soul, with a stink-meat hat and a turd-skin nose and two eyes made out of holes.

We wish you a merry Tuesday and a happy next Tuesday.

Ohhh the weather outside is frightful but the potential of universal annihilation by instantaneous expansion of the supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy is sooo delightful.

Earwolf is a subsidiary of Merde Volante Entertainment Worldwide.

You put the lime is in the coconut, you put the coconut in the trash, you go to the freakin’ doctor like a normal person, Kyle.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and you can pick a banjo, and yes, you can pick a color for the fucking dining room already, Janet.

Ohhh the weather outside is frightful but your hypothesis on the deleterious ramifications of Hegelian economic hyper-rationalism in the Austrian economy from 1922–1926 is sooo delightful.

Oh give me a home / Where the Cake Boss is on / And Ho Ho and Santa Claus play / Where seldom is slung / An uninteresting plug / And Fourvel is stabby all day

Well here’s a little story ‘bout a man named Scott / The poor podcast host barely had a lucid thought / Then one day while he was readin’ forum posts / Santa beat his ass and Zouks became the host

More like snake it til you break it.

Corn snake shake ‘n bake, whip it to a cream, wakey wakey smegma baby, ‘twas all a silly dream

Spoonerize her? I knarely blow her!

It was called Earbutt in the early days, but SOMEONE got offended because they were born with a butt for an ear. That’s right—I’m talkin’ to you Santa Claus, you stinky-eared bastard.

When I was nine, I had a dream about a human ear that turned into a wolf every Christmas Eve and stalked the night murdering innocent cans of creamed corn.

I think I speak on behalf of all catchphrase submitters when I say the following: "We demand more Ho Ho." And a little more corn wouldn't hurt, either, you boneheads.

(sobs with gleeful admiration)

Recipient of Popular Mechanics 1952 “Best Podcast, Whatever That Is” Award

Winner of the 2018 Nebraska Corn Festival’s Blue Pig Trophy for “Things We Don’t Think Are Funny in Nebraska Despite Having ‘Comedy’ In The Name”

Winner of NPR’s 2018 Tiny Peniscast award

Catchphrase pro tip: more corn, less porn.

You. Me. A quart of warm creamed corn. And a hairless muskrat named Gary. ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.

I’m a jack of all trades, but a master of off.