Colfax McLiverneck

Humpy the Horndog, had a really swole-up sack, with a crusty head and a stinky hole and a predilection for corn-holing gilfy cigar-smoking reindeer.

I came here to crack corn and blow big chunky bubbles—and I’m all outta corn.

As the largest purveyor of international creamed corn futures with clients from Macau to Lagos, Toronto to Ascuncion, I have no need for your pittance of an offer. Take your "guava" (whatever that is) and insert it into your cornhole. JK give it to ME NOWWW NOM NOM NOM I want to rub it on my brittle old nipples

Grumpy the Oldman, had a gouty big left toe, with a corn cob pipe and a veiny nose and a nasty habit of pooping in his neighbors’ yards at 4 a.m.

Jimmy the Nineties-man, had a big-ass corn-crackin’ hammer, with a faux-jade one-hitter and an iPod full of Smashmouth and a distinct odor of patchouli and cloves.

When’s dog, hot corn?

Corn buckle corn buckle corn buckle. Spatula slap spatula slap spatula slap. I got the line on yo mamma. Gimme that fish or I’ll pop ya.

Pre-masticated hominy tamales in flint-ironed husk sacks on a formed emulsion of thumb-pressed polenta-and-rapeseed ragout? ‘Tis a corn-summation devoutly to be wished.

An invisible horse walks into a bar. The bartender says nothing.

Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Stab, stab. Dismember, dismember. Dump in swamp, dump in swamp. Create plausible alibi, create plausible alibi. Say no more, say no more.

Who has one thumb and likes to juggle machetes? This guy!

Jimmy cracked corn? Jimmy barely knew corn!

this is just to say I have eaten the ear of corn that was in the icebox and which you were probably saving for a butt plug and boy am I glad I got to it first

In closing, I would ask only that the jury consider this: yes, Jimmy may have cracked that corn, but you, I, and most importantly—the law—don't care!

J-I-M-M-Y, J-I-M-M-Y, J-I-M-M-Y, and Jimmy cracked the corn-O

Eureka! The Human Centipede—it’s alimentary, my dear Watson!

(digestingcorn digestingcorn digestingcorn digestingcorn) Sorry, what did you say? I was digesting corn.

Welcome to Comedy Meh Meh. I’m your host, What Everman.

It rubs the creamed corn on its skin or else it gets the beans again.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Honestly, it’s not for everyone.

If life gives you tapeworms, make tapewormade!

When the harvest time has come / He must crack it / When the corn is in the barn / Jimmy cracks it

Well my name is Rappin’ Corn and I’m here to say / I’ll make your turds fun in a bumpy yellow way

Zed may be dead, but at least he made his goddamn bed.

Hot corn cold corn dry corn wet corn fat corn thin corn ground corn sky corn hammer corn nail corn mamma corn daddy corn. Jimmy don’t care. He big star. He crack ‘em all.