Colfax McLiverneck

Remember that “Cumbersome” song? Yeah, me too. Goddamn that was terrible.

James smashed maize, and I cared not.

The Nile is not just a river in Egypt. It’s also a river in Sudan, South Sudan, Ethiopia, and Uganda. And let’s just go ahead and assume that wherever else it is, it’s a river there too.

I got this rotten, stinky, corn-shaped horse tooth straight from the horse’s mouth.

By the pricking of your mom, something skanky this way comes.

Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those peepers? At Cheepy Peepy’s Discount Optical Specimen Shop of course, in the Expired & Off-Round BOGO Discount Bin!

Double, double, toil and troubles, never hire Big Chunky Bubbles

Banjo and corn be like "we makin' sweet love all night long". Whisker-flavoured.

Catchphrase Pro Tip: before posting, you should hear your catchphrase in Scott’s voice. This requires removing the duct tape and corn cob gag, so make sure he doesn’t scream for help.

Welllllll here’s a little story I like to tell / About three Bad brothers you DON’T know so well / They were Johnifer Bad, Cornelingus Bad, and Fredward Bad, and they rode the bus to school with me in eighth grade

On today’s show, a reading of Melville’s recently discovered “Bartleby the Regional IT Coordinator”, a small corn farmer, and various pants.

Put yo shoulda coulda woulda up yo mamma’s whamma jamma cause I just kicked it like a sick misfit with yo sista on the mista twista

3.141 pie 5 pie double i pp i pie

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of expired corn meal, I shall fear no weevil.

This ep is lovely, dark, and cheap / And I have ads and plugs to keep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep

Glottalized ejective. Uvular sibilant. Alveolar bilabial. This has been Filthy Phonetics, with your host, Ogod Dontstoperman.

Weevil inside, weevil inside, every single cob-o-corn has a weevil inside.

Zeno’s horse walks halfway into a bar.

A horse backstrokes into a bar. The bartender says “Weird. Normally you just walk in.”

A horse-walks-into-a-bar-joke walks into a bar. The bartender says “I’m really getting sick of this meta-humor shit, bro.”

We shall eat corn on the beaches, we shall eat corn on the landing grounds, we shall eat corn in the fields and in the streets, we shall eat corn in the hills; we shall never not eat corn, for it is so yellow and buttery and delicious!

On a warm summer's eve, on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with a gambino, and he kept saying “Do I amuse you?", and I was too scared to sleep.

A bartender says “Wouldn’t it be strange if a horse walked in right now?” A horse walks into the bar. The bartender says “Not as weird as I thought.” The horse says “Well fuck you then,” and walks out.

Jason, are you pondering what I’m pondering? I think so Scott, but how will we eat corn with prolapsed esophagi?

That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight. That’s me doing your mom in the cornhole.