Colfax McLiverneck

Hey, girl!! I totally ran into Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra when I went to pick up some creamed corn and Jalad wasn’t even wearing her wedding ring!! I know, right??

When the moon hits your eye like an intangible asset incrementally devalued over a defined time period, that’s amoretization.

Shitscribbler™

I get one side with that? Okay, I’ll have the cob comma corn-on-the.

Corn is nature’s turd bling.

I’m triggered by any mention of Roy Rogers’ deceased horse.

Roy Rogers’ horse walks into a bar. The bartender yells, “Trigger warning!”

There once was a man from Houjiagangxiang, but nothing rhymed with the name of his hometown, so nobody wrote limericks about him.

You can lead a horse into a bar, but you can’t make the bartender ask him anything.

Cornsilk voodoo doll of James Michael Tyler, check. Cubed pheasant liver, check. Iron Maiden’s “Powerslave” on vinyl, check. Edible underwear, check. Let’s get this podcast started!

Puppy dog spleens and lukewarm beans, getaway sticks and stingy red dicks, uncracked corn and billy goat porn—that’s what little Scotties are made of.

I got this partially masticated corn straight from the horse’s mouth.

On today’s show, it’s Kangaroo Randy the Rodeo Clam, a small business person, an even smaller business person, and the world’s smallest business person!

Batman’s public persona is sponsoring this gala. That’s right, it’s a Party On Wayne.

Turdgurgler™

Well I’m runnin' down the road tryin’ to loosen my load annnnnnnd that's not what I meant at all. Note to self: no creamed corn & cod liver oil smoothies before morning run.

Of course, the 800-lb. can of corn in the room is really a humongous can of corn that’s actually in the room. Did anyone bring a giant can opener?

Dammit, Jim! I’m a corn doctor, not a space doctor!

Second Heynongians, chapter 9, verse 12: "Verily sayest I unto thee, remove the kernel from thine own eye and then shalt thou witness the creamed corn that thy kinky girlfriend hath splattered all over thine bed.”

Well it’s one for the money, two for the show, $12.50 for the small popcorn, and $7 for the water with no ice. This is why we don’t go to the movies, Kyle.

Fun fact from a corn-industrial complex insider—ethanol-based jet fuel CAN INDEED melt steel.

I said a hip, a hop, a hippy to the hop / Jimmy cracked corn and he don’t stop / To the Bang Bang boogie put yo hands in the air / Jimmy cracked corn like he just don’t care

A French otter, the letter G, and a corn-cob pipe walk into a bar. The bartender says “Is this some kind of joke with corn arbitrarily added to preserve a recurring catchphrase theme?”

Drop your lox ‘n cocks and grab your socks ‘n crocs, you foxy warlocks!

Don’t close the bar door before the horse walks in.