Colfax McLiverneck

The number 800 is the sum of four consecutive primes. Charlemagne was crowned Emperor in 800 AD. There are 800 kernels of corn per ear. You do the math. It’s right there, clear as day.

C-Mags! That's corntastic. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Breaking news: North African archaeologists discover new human species—Homo heynongia, found frozen in time in the very act of slaying Neandertang.

Jimmy smashed corn—no, Jimmy punched corn. I mean, Jimmy smacked corn. Goddammit. Jimmy slapped corn? Fuck it. I don’t care.

Jimmmm-eee—you don’t have to crack that corn tonight.

I get two sides? What are they? Oh, right here on the menu in the bright orange box with the ginormous title that says SIDES? Okay, I’ll have the okra comma fried and the cob comma corn-on-the.

I may be drunk, madam, but you’re selling seashells by the seashore, and I’ll be sober in the morning!

Hickory dickory dock, you don’t wanna touch that sock

Somewhere nongs are heying, and somewhere Reggie raps. But there is no cast in Podville—for Scott is taking a crap.

I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Milton J. Lumberweiner’s Riverside County Funtime Bagpipe Outlet, Corn Maze, and Infinitely Recursive T-Shirt Shop

I’ll take “People Who Cracked Corn And For Whom I Don’t Care” for $800, Alex.

Shitstack™

I’ll have the corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn spam and corn.

I may be rubber and you may be glue but if you keep stabbing me I'll surely perish.

I’m elastic and you’re adhesive so your hurtful invectives rebound off my protective exterior and affix themselves to your stupid ugly face.

I’m rubber and you’re Borg—whatever you say bounces off of me and assimilates into you.

Here at Comedy Bang Bang, we have an LMNOpen-door policy.

I don’t care what your state motto is, Missouri—I’m not showing you my third nipple.

My girlfriend wanted me to go vegan, but I thought it would be a missed steak.

Hey! Can you please nong that somewhere else, man?

Legally speaking, this catchphrase and all catchphrases posted heretofore, aftertofore, and beforetofore, are the real and intellectual property of Earwolf Enterprises, LLC, BBC, and LOLMNBC.

These are extraordinary times, and extraordinary times call for extraordinary uses of the word extraordinary.

She’ll be coming round the mountain driving six white horses when she comes, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Thanks for stealing my thunder, Ryan the Intern. NO CORN FOR YOU

Corn to the left of me, corn to the right—here I am, standing in a corn field.