Colfax McLiverneck

I approve of this catchphrase.

The Fraggle Rock character Snaggle Cock was 86ed after the pilot due to grievous injury to an unacceptable number of Fraggle orifices.

I got a problem locating my cattle in the fog, and the only prescription is more cowbells.

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Chapter Six: In Which The Story Ends With An Unexpected Twist And The Movie Rights Are Purchased By Kevin Smith For Six Pounds Tuppence And a Sack of Gilded Corn Cobs

Chapter Five: In Which Scottrick And Francois The Hirsute Pugilist Engage In Fisticuffs, Ruining Dame Cornbaum’s Daguerreotype Boudoir Session

Chapter Four: In Which Madame HoHo Is Accosted By A Bagman in Hollingsfordshireham Street And Deduces That He Is The Long-Feared-Lost Sir Archibald Kornfeld of Tribblebury

Chapter One: In Which The Earl of Mantzouka Stumbles Upon A Baffling Scene In Corninghamfordshire Street And Alerts The Constabulary

Chapter Two: In Which A Curious Stoat Imbibes Satsuma-Flavoured Corn Spirits And Faints In The Rubbish Heap Behind The Royal Haberdashery

Chapter Three: In Which The Queen Does Not Appear, And Is Also Not Amused

#cornstache

You sell dumbshells by the stupidshore.

Underpants underpants underpants. Cumberbatch cumberbatch cumberbatch. Icecreamcone icecreamcone icecreamcone. WE HAVE A WINNER

There’s less than one way to skin Schrodinger's cat.

No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no skin, no fat, no musculature—no problem, Mister Skeleton!

My bologna has a first name, but I shall not utter it here lest it hear me whimpering and bring the darkness and the whips again.

Were you raised in a barn? Because your mom looks just like a horse I used to bang.

Winner of Corn Digest Magazine’s “Highest Kernel Per Turd” Award for 2018

Conejos, cojones. Cojones, conejos. Let’s call the whole thing rabbit testicles.

We gonna walk down to Eclectic Avenue and procure a selection of 1970s black market Bionic Woman commemorative tumblers.

Who let the dogs down? You and your artisan kale & quinoa dog treats, that’s who.

Rain on the weatherman’s wedding day—now that’s ironic, amirite!

NETFLIX SHMETFLIX. Back in my day we just hung a dead rabbit from the eave and watched the owls tear its ears off.

When life gives you cucumbers, you become cucumbersome.

Smash it with fire, milk it with jerks, it’s been a while since I’ve seen your mom twerk