Colfax McLiverneck

First of all, I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and B, I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

I believe strongly that if Scott sings this catchphrase in Edith Bunker's voice, he will bring about the end times and we can be done with all this nonsense.

Boy the way Glenn Miller played / Songs that made the hit parade / His plane fell in a fusillade / And shaaaaaaarks ate his face

Corn is nature’s turd bling.

It was a one eyed, one-horned, one-penised, flying purple pecker eatCUT! STOP THE CATCHPHRASE! It’s not that kind of show!!

I've got a problem locating my cattle in the dark, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

Tom Bosley. You will never find a more wretched excuse for a "That 70s Show" guest star.

Corn to the left of me, corn to the right, here I am, slowly dying from asphyxiation after having fallen into a corn silo.

This is the show where we have never said “heynong man” to Bronson Pinchot.

I came here to chew bubblegum and smoke grass, and then literally eat the entire pack of bubblegum because it’s the only food in the house.

Jiiimeeeeee—you don’t have to crack that corn tonight

Are you a can-of-corn or a can’t-of-corn?

We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because that sonofabitch hit me in the eye like a pizza pie and I want payback.

Hey! Can you please nong that somewhere else, man?

He thrusts his fists against the post and still insists that cat tastes just like chicken, maybe a little tougher with kind of a metallic bitterness.

CROATOAN

Once upon a time there were four little rabbits, and their names were Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and Dinglewhiskers the Corn-Sucking Assdick.

She womps her jamz her jamz she womps upon her womped-up jamz she chomps.

Though I appreciate this string of jumbo corn nuts and pint of baby oil, as I’ve said before, IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF SHOW

Pierre Perkins punched a pack of pre-toasted Pall Malls.

Somewhere nongs are heying, and somewhere Reggie raps. But there is no cast in Podville—for Scott is taking a nap.

Colfax’s Paradox: If you go back in time and prevent corn from being domesticated by ancient mesoamericans, this catchphrase does not exist.

The heart of rock ‘n roll is still beating—in the silence, its rhythm elicits in me a dread terror! Twas me! I did the foul deed! I wanted a new drug!

Boom. Boom. Shakalakalaka. Boom.

I’m really into live-streamed woolly mammoth puppet murder. See what I mean at www.snuff-a-luffaguss.com