Colfax McLiverneck

Trigger warning: today’s catchphrase includes the word ‘trigger’. Twice.

Some of the best 'tent ever slung. Captivating and completely corntastic.

On today’s show, one of us is wearing pants.

This catchphrase is about whatever you are thinking about right now—unless you are thinking about something other than corn.

Hello creamed corn my old friend / I’ve come to slurp you up again / With my mustache wetly steaming / And my colon slowly creaking / And my tongue / Rolling in the glory of your milky sweet grain / With the sound…of smacking

There are three kinds of podcasts in the universe—podcasts about math, and this kind.

Two yellow cans diverged in a grocery store. I chose the creamed one, and that has made all the difference in terms of gumability.

I’ve got a corn cob pipe and a skid mark bike, and we’re goin’ to Bon Merde, Manitoba, baby. Don’t act like it’s not your birthday. Vamos!

Weevil inside, weevil inside, every single cob of corn has a weevil inside

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Cornelius. Cornelius who? Cornelius J. Boobfellow. Go away. What about your “open door policy”? I said fuck off, C.J.

Native to the rooftops of Calcutta, the Corn-Eared Bazinga Monkey has but one natural predator—Zombie Mahatma “The Simian Strangler” Gandhi

My cousin Maybelline moved to Arizona and bought a corn labyrinth that’s only open one month in the spring. She’s calling it May’s May Maize Maze.

Captain’s Log: having painfully and messily escaped a Brown Hole in the Cornshart System, we’ve set course for the TP2 Nebula.

Jimmy: noun, subject. Cracked: verb, past tense. Corn: noun, object of the predicate. I don’t care: declarative statement, how I feel about it.

Cornhole is just a game like Mingus is just a bass player, maize hater.

And the winner of the 2018 Tiny Corn Contest is Iowa’s own Gloria Defensterkrumpf and her infinitesimal cob of Cargill Sunborn Yellow Ultrasweet!

Jimmy Carter cracked peanuts and LITERALLY NO ONE CARES.

Hobo Schmobo

Corn to the left of me, corn to the right. Here I am, creepin’ at the farmer’s market, lookin’ for a bogo on hand-woven artisan scarecrow bandanas.

On today’s show, I audibly gnaw on this moldy corn cob for one hour and twelve minutes, andthenalittlesomethingwecallplugs.

Brings a single tear to my eye. This is why you are the catchphrase superstar's catchphrase superstar.

Having listed Corn as an area of expertise on his resume, Jimmy would have been a shoe-in for the position—had he not tested positive for crack.

A stab in time saves Ninevel.

Native to the bayous of Suriname, the Variegated Corn Chupacabra has but one natural predator—Billy “Chupacabra-Slappa” Graham. Too soon?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, consider the broken corn before you. The evidence clearly shows that Jimmy cracked it. Ask yourselves—do you care?