Colfax McLiverneck

Jiminy Cricket cracked corn and I don’t care if my dreams come true.

Though I appreciate this bag of corn cobs, tub of Crisco, and disgustingly specific instructions, as I’ve said before, IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF SHOW

When I was a child, I spake as a child; but when I became a man, I still spake as a child, and everyone was like “Shut up, you stupid baby man!”

I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed esophagus

This is the show where we balk at improvisational glee clubs.

If wishes were horses, beggars would have a logistical nightmare of livestock inventory on hand.

Oh give me a home/Where the Cake Boss is on/And Ho Ho in Santa's beard plays/Where seldom is slung/An uninteresting plug/And Fourvel is stabby all day

This is the show where we talk to defenestrating pelicans.

Dear Mr. Aukerman: we regret to inform you that your application for Corn Canner at Colfax’s Creamed Corn Cannery and Cat Carnival has been rejected.

If it screams like a duck, dies like a duck, and other ducks come to its funeral, then it probably was a duck, you duck-murderin’ piece of shit.

I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says I went to Cornberg’s Recursive T-Shirtery and all I got was this t-shirt that says

James fractured maize, and I cared not.

This ep is lovely, dark, and cheap / But I have ads and plugs to keep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep / And ‘tent to sling before I sleep

Me and Lunchbox Eddie thumpin’ bubblenecks at Forkman’s Crotch

Endemic to the boreal cedar scrublands of Manitoba, the Knobby Corncob Crab has only one natural predator—Dan “The Crab Blaster” Rather

Chuck Taylor? I Airly Jordan her!

The striations on the body indicate that it was passed through the digestive tract of a giant boa. It’s alimentary, my dear boy!

Native to the frigid peaks of Tibet, the Armored Corn Gerbil has only one natural predator—Noam “The Gerbil Deconstructor” Chomsky

Captain’s log: Having extricated the ship from a conflict between the Cornholians and the Turdnong Empire, we’ve set course for the Brownstar Wormhole.

Jimmy pooped corn, and I don’t care.

It’s elementary, my dear Jason. Maize in the baboon’s scat implies that the car was washed on Tuesday—and that the killer is John “Car Washman” Hamm!

What does "T" stand for?

Non sequitur? I barely origami corn whistle!

Native to the rocky beaches of Lake Erie, the Very Silly Corn Oyster has but one natural predator—zombie Charles “Who’s Your Oyster Daddy” Bronson.

Catchphrase Pro Tip: Scott loves a good play on words, so keep your pun game sharp with a high-quality carbide tungsten pun-game sharpener.