Colfax McLiverneck

Captain’s Log: Having laboriously exited the Brown Hole of Cornshart Nine, we’ve set course for the TP Nebula.

This is the cow that kicked the dog that bit the cat that ate the ceviche that was in the detached studio that Jack built for his shitty band.

Technicality no down boo over schmechnicality schmo down schmoo over

A dark night in a midwestern state without an ethanol subsidy. But one man is still lobbying the Agriculture subcommittee—Cob Kernelman, Corn Advocate.

When Jimmy finds the corn / He must crack it / When the maize has dried too long / Jimmy cracks it

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Got caught in an industrial face-stretcher.”

‘Tis quite auspicious that corn is delicious; ‘twould be propitious were it also nutritious.

She’s a dogger in the streets and a logger in the sheets. And by that I mean she’s a werewolf that shits the bed.

What plops down stairs / Dark brown and with hairs / Gets eaten by random dogs / What sucks for a snack / And stinks up your crack / It’s NEW Hot Log!

Captain’s log: approximately seven inches, firm, greenish brown, flecks of undigested replicator corn.

Bitch smack paddywack give yo dawg a bone, this old pimp came smoove rollin’ home yo

If life gives you marmals, make marmalade.

One, two, knuckle my moose. Three, four, camel my toe. Five, six, twist my nips. Seven, eight, it’s a date!

On today’s show, it's Rabbi Heymie Nongman and his amazing tang-slaying ostrich, Moshe the Tall.

Hey Jimmy you’re so fine, you’re so fine you crack my corn Hey Jimmy! (clap clap) Hey Jimmy!

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and you can pick your banjo, but you can't pick your friend’s nose with your banjo.

It’s not the corn you heart—it’s the corn you shart.

Authorities have arrested a suspect in the infamous Nebraska Corn Heist of 1998. Cob Robberman has been booked and charged with a-salt and buttering.

I’ll take “Jimmy Cracked it and I Don’t Care” for $400, Alex.

Though B.B. King without a doubt.

Dammit, Jimmy! I’m a doctor, not a corn-cracker!

Colfax’s Three Rules for a Happy Life: 1. Write three catchphrases every day. 2. Eat corn with every meal. 3. Never trust a thin man in a sweater.

If turning left is wrong, you’re gonna wanna go right.

A hotdog and a person asking the hot dog “What’s Up? walk into a bar. The bartender says “What is this? Some kind of catchphrase?”

I think so Brain, but if it had been Grandparents of the Corn, wouldn’t they have just sold the farm to an big ag conglomerate and moved to Florida?