Colfax McLiverneck

If grass = earth pubes, and corn = grass, does it follow that corn kernels are pube-fruit?

If shucking you is wrong...I don’t wanna be right.

Can I get a what what! What! What? No, really, hand me one of those whats.

On today’s show, special musical guest “Mister Yellowpants and the Famous Corn Hammers”!

This is a catchphrase written by an idiot, full of corn references, signifying nothing.

Today’s show is brought to you by Wanda’s Country Thrift Shoppe—your source for those little plastic corn-holder doohickeys with the metal spikes.

What’s the deal with cornbread? Is it corn, or is it bread?

Not every rose needs thorns. Not all corn has to be yellow. And some even say that an un-nonged hey is the best hey of all.

Yes, I’ll have the Lint-Dusted Hot Log with Cream-Splashed Hair Niblets, Shredded Cold Corn Cob Preserves, and a side of Slump Juggled Spit Sauce.

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana...oh, I’m sorry. I thought it WAS that kind of show.

Get your kicks on Route 66. Get your socks at Crazy Jimmy’s Route 66 Hosiery Warehouse and Socks-Only Free-Love Corn Maze!

My name is Jimmy, and I’m a corncrackoholic.

There are 800 kernels of corn per ear. The number 800 is the sum of four consecutive primes. Charlemagne was crowned Emperor in 800 AD. You do the math.

Tall and tan and young and lovely and Jiu Jitsu-trained, the girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes, you better watch your ass, pervert.

If Popeye had eaten corn instead of spinach, would he have been funnier?

And now a moment of silence for the victims of the Cornwall Bagpipe Attacks of 2018, followed by the Accordion Symphony #1 by Thom Yorke, founder of the legendary band “There’s an Extra Letter In Both My First and Last Name”.

Despite a glaring lack of corn, this gets the Colfax Stamp of Approval.

Jimmy Walker cracked Corn-O-Mite!

Dammit, Scott! I’m a space doctor, not a tree doctor!

Those who would give up corn to save room for cobbler deserve neither corn nor cobbler.

It’s not you, it’s me. Me and my can of corn. Me and my can of corn and a squirrel. A sexy squirrel named Alicia. And my can of corn. And me. Not you.

In the land of the cornless, the one-eared man is king.

She puts her hand in the bowl of warm creamed corn when she means yes. What she does when she means no will blow your mind!

Jimmy cracked corn? Jimmy barely knew corn!

Another surefire way to test whether a squirrel is who she says she is is to lure her with corn and then withhold the corn until she tells you.