Colfax McLiverneck

Was your mom raised in a barn? Cause she looks a lot like a goat I used to bang.

Two roads diverged in a yellow cornfield, and I took the left one because I google-earthed the corn maze in advance.

Foo Fighter? I barely Nirvan-her!

Twas the night before and to all a good night.

Welcome to Comedy Winter Wonderbang! I’m your mostly toasty host, Smock Frockerman.

HoHo got a loco yoyo bogo in Soho.

Frosty the Oldman was a bitter, hateful soul, with a corncob hemorrhoid, a button-sized melanoma on his nose and one cloudy, wandering eye.

I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed anus

Floyd’s far-fetched financial fiasco flung fungus funds into a fiscal funk, forcing Frannie’s Farm’s to forfeit the Fort Phillips Family Fair.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and you can pick a banjo, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose with a banjo.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but if you really want to hurt me, remind me of what I did in the IHOP bathroom after the Blues Traveler concert.

Thank you for calling Heisenberg’s. Due to our Uncertainty Policy, we are unable to simultaneously provide the position and the velocity of your order.

Spoonerize her? I knarely blow her!

It’s beginning to feel a lot like that can of corn isn’t coming out of there.

Judge me by my size do you? The pool I was in!

The best one yet! I love me some Auckerfied Off Book!!

Morphologically similar to Homo habilis, 2.2 million-year-old Heynong Man remains have been found in the very act of slaying Neandertang.

Are you a Mexican—or a Mexi-it’s-not-that-I-can’t-it’s-that-I-don’t-want-to?

Highlander 2: The Quickening? I barely Knowlander 1: The Slowening!

The show this is where interesting people talk to we do.

Oh, I Canada. But will I da?

You say titular, I say eponymous—let’s call the whole thing off and go with nominal.

Non sequitur? I barely umbrella sauce!

Earwolf Studios. You will never find a more wretched hive of recursive skullduggery.

Never buy flowers from an overweight, worrysome, gaseous monk. Remember—only you can prevent flabby fretful flatulent florist friars.