Colfax McLiverneck

Yea, though I walk through the valley of cornmeal, I shall fear no weevils.

Unknown to the ululating umpires of Ulaanbaatar, Umberto’s unemployed uncle unfurled the undertaker’s umbrella and upchucked an undigested ukulele.

Jimmy cracked corn. Corn cracked back. Back cracked Jason. Jason cracked Bourne. Alaska. Mindwarp. Vernon. Gumdrop. Nickel. Activate.

Bravo sir or madame! May your cobs be copiously and perpetually studded with plump and tasty kernels!

If you stare long enough into the can of corn, the can of corn stares back at you.

Dear Mr. Auckerman, we’re thrilled to inform you that your application for the graduate program at The University of Stinky Poopbutt has been accepted.

Let us not forget the brave men and women who gave their lives so that we could totally crack ourselves up with surreal scatological comedy here today.

Now that the replacement for “What’s Up, Hot Dog” has been found (Ep. 503, 24:02), I hereby adjourn this forum. gavel gavel gavel

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, the show where we talk to defenestrating screech owls.

What's the difference between a can of corn and a boner? I don't have a can of corn right now

The indisputability of the the fact that the throes of Augie-Doggie are demonstrably, thoroughly, and exhaustively in the past is not up for debate

This is the funniest podcast on the interwebs. KEEP IT COMING, you fist-gagging taint-squeaks!

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? That’s a meaningless question in this context!

Never look a gift ass in the hole.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have calmly traveled forward in time at the usual speed and included the word “corn” in this catchphrase.

Catchphrase Pro Tip: Always listen to your catchphrase in Scott’s voice. This requires removing the duct tape, so make sure he doesn’t scream for help.

My name is Verbal. I live on the 2nd floor. My cat is Nermal. And I can’t think of a way to end this Usual Suspects/Suzanne Vega/Garfield mashup.

You ain’t nuthin’ but an anthropomorphized perpetually lachrymose canid

He was a baseball player’s baseball player. And he played playing baseball better than anyone who had ever play played the game had baseball played it.

I'm rubber and you're glue but if you keep stabbing me I'll surely perish

Ho Ho cracked corn, and I don’t care / Ho Ho cracked corn, and I don’t care / Ho Ho cracked corn, and I don’t care / ‘Cause Santa’s a big fat jerk

Corn to the left of me. Corn to the right. Here I am. Standing in a corn field.

On today’s ep, we talk to the very interesting Cornelius J Boobfellow, small business person Cher’s Mom’s Cat, andthenalittlesomethingwecallbuttplugs

Hello, my name is Jimmy, and I’m a corncrackoholic.

An astoundingly atrocious appetizer, award-aggregating actress Amy Adams' Acorn and Anchovy Applesauce annihilated Amanda’s Annual August Affair.