Colfax McLiverneck

Histo-Real Fact of the Day: Harry Houdini’s cat Mr. Whimplesnatch is still alive and running an adult video store off interstate 44 near Terre Haute.

She sold seashells down by seashore until city hall issued a cease and desist order so now she turns tricks down by the trailer town

With a moo moo here and an oink oink there and a hump hump here and a squish squish there and an ohhh god here STOP THAT! It’s not that kind of show

You can catch more flies with shit than honey—but if you’re using shit to catch flies, your issues go far beyond flying insects

That’s one for the money, two for the show, $17.25 for the small popcorn, $6.50 for the tap water, and 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. Enjoy the movie!

JIMMY!! Did you crack this corn!!! HOW. MANY. TIMES. Do I have to tell you—you know what? I don’t even care any more. Do what you want. I’m out.

Corndogs, horndogs and porndogs—that’s how we roll on Comedy Chicka Wow Wow.

Best ep title ever.

There are several ways to compose a successful Comedy Bang Bang catchphrase, and this is not one of them.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while Steven Wright was a suspect.

Eenie meenie miny Moe, Larry, Curly, Corny / Catch a tiger by has balls and ask him if he's horny

A fine catchphrase indeed, sir! Could have used a bit more corn, though.

Jimmy cracked corn? Jimmy hardly knew corn!

James fractured maize, but the fact that I was not personally invested in his endeavor prevented me from empathizing.

You can lead Jimmy to corn, but you can’t make him crack it.

homina homina homina gimme some yuminy yuminy hominy

Just look in the mirror and say Corny Mary three times.

In Beatrix Potter’s newly discovered book, Hoppy, Floppy, and Sloppy kill their poppy and wind up in the copper’s jalopy.

At long last, my womps have been re-jammed. Not since the Great Nebraska Corn Festival of 1953 have I been so satiated.

There’s only one thing as good as right-off-the-stalk, sun-warmed sweet corn, and that’s getting my womps jammed first thing on a Monday morning.

It's corn pie or no pie!

Well my name is Wrappin’ Scott and I’m here to say / I’ll clad your gifts in fancy paper any day

I almost joined Occam’s Shave Club, but it seemed to simple to be true.

“Put ‘er in a Bra” Is acceptable, but it’s no “Heynong Man”. And it’s DEFINITELY no “It’s Corn Pie or No Pie”

All corn in moderation.