Colfax McLiverneck

Once upon a time there were four little rabbits, and their names were Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and the Bartholomew the Sneaky Corn Thief.

I’ve told you once and I’m not going to tell you again that I’ve already told you once once.

How many socks would a musk ox hock if a musk ox could hock socks?

Senator Levi Tate of Delaware, you have the floor. The floor, sir. Please stay on the floor. Shall I have the velcro boots brought in?

I shit my sheets, my sheets I shit, upon my shitted sheets I sleep.

I just rolled in from the prairie and boy is my weed tumbled.

In Soviet Russia, nong heys you.

I'll never forget this very special ep—or my name isn't whatever my name is.

Slow down there, Mr. Backwards Walkingman—you’re getting way behind of yourself.

Hey! Can you please nong that somewhere else, man?

A catchphrase without corn is like a day without sunshine.

Brevity is the soul of

I went to the woods because I wished to poop by a tree deliberately, and not, when I die, remember that I shat my pants at the company picnic.

Ring around the burn pile, a pocket full of corned beef, bubble wrap, inverted nipples, we all go to a Toad the Wet Sprocket concert.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of weevils is for good corn farmers to do nothing.

Hammer? I barely nail her!

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down, of the big lake they call gitchee gitchee gitchee goo peekaboo I see you, tiny human!

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks—but you can’t teach a dead dog ANY tricks. So please stop teaching that dog how to swallow a sword.

First they came for the dangling participles. Then they came for the terminal prepositions. And then OMG thier totes werent noone lef, whatevs

Shall I compare thee to a cob of corn? Thou art less yellow, and not quite as delicious.

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale, and it's about to set sail—annnnnd, it sank. That was a TERRIBLE idea.

Keep your money, Jimmy. I’m only in this for the corn. Cracked, preferably.

A likely story. NO CORN FOR YOU

And lechery and sloth did prevail in the land of Mantzouka, and the Lord was displeased, and he did smite everyone in the land, until not one was left alive. And the neighboring kingdom of HoHovia did look upon the fertile land of the recently smote Mantzoukans, which was flowing with Guinness and bratwurst, and they did covet it.

My ear-o-corn-a don’t want none unless you got salt and butter, hon