Colfax McLiverneck

When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of corn, that's not cool, man.

I think this Mars simulator is broken—I appear to be tied to a virtual cross in a corn field, and there’s a spooky kid named Malachi yelling at me.

A dark night in a midwestern state with a lapsed ethanol subsidy. But one man is still lobbying the Agriculture committee—Slob Coberman, Corn Advocate.

Considering the amount of un-cracked corn at the scene, the murderer couldn’t have been Jimmy.

Jimmy, I know you think I don’t care, but if cracking corn is that important to you, then you do you, buddy. You do you.

Jimmy, I swear to God. If you. Crack. One. More. Corn. I. Will. Hurt. You.

Anagram her? Hydra whore link!

This is an a-maize-ing catchphrase.

Me and yo mamma—‘Twould be a consummation devoutly to be wished, had I not already banged her.

Steve Bannon looks like he fell off the back of a potato cart. “Fell off the back of a potato cart driver, more likely,” said an anonymous aide.

There are two types of people in this world: those that love corn, those that hate corn and are wrong, and those that love corn but can’t do math.

The foot bone’s connected to the leg bone / the leg bone’s connected to my man bone / my man bone’s connected to your mom bone

FYI, acorn bread is not good at all, and pinecones cause mouth bleeding. Also, America’s Squirrel Kitchen is a terrible TV show idea.

She sells seashells in Iowa, which, being nowhere near the seashore, explains the outrageous prices. You know, transportation costs and whatnot.

Dinosaur Junior? I barely Dinosaur knew her!

I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed anus

Henson, who asked Fozzie: “Can muppets get rickets?” Never got a dinner!

Jason, are you pondering what I’m pondering? I think so, Scott, but if you let Stewie from Family Guy host the show, won't he get a big head?

Jason, are you pondering what I’m pondering? I think so, Scott, but if it was Heynong Woman, wouldn’t the t-shirt be sexist?

Corn is nature’s turd bling.

Aw, shucks—you didn't have to peel all that corn.

We need to talk about corn, Kevin.

B.I.N.G.O, B.I.N.G.O, B.I.N.G.O, is an acronym for Bergschtoop’s Inverted Nipple Gangrene Occlusion. Looks like you’ve done it again, Dr. House!

YESSSSSSSS! Welcome back!

Nicole Byer is the best!