Colfax McLiverneck

Bowie's moose-knuckle and the terrible music ruined this movie for me.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy tried Rogaine, but side effects including blurred vision, chest pain, dizziness, fainting, irregular heartbeat, headache, and loss of desire to shit in the woods proved too much to cope with.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but that dictionary you just threw at my head really hurt, you jackass.

Let me be forthright with you. If you take the fifth right, it's the same as if you had only taken the first right.

They say that fortune favors the bold, but being smashed into a ball and rolled down a wooden lane has been a real setback for me.

Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, and flee screaming from this madness-inducing mockery of comedy.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth until you carefully fold and store the wrapping paper for use with future extra-large presents.

(Sung to melody of STP's Interstate Love Song) Feelin' / Like a ham and mustard shake / Now would you like to have some fries / Some fries

I'm rubber and you're glue but if you keep stabbing me I'll surely perish.

Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, but I am a back-alley colonoscopy provider after all.

Can we just calm down and agree that yo mama is so fat that when she goes to the beach, the Coast Guard issues a "Fat Mama on the Beach" warning?

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Why is my dick in the bouillabaisse?

Nothing in this catchphrase limits or excludes any liability for death or personal injury resulting from go-fuck-yourself-related negligence.

I've had enough of this shit! Can I get my check, and a shit-bag to go?

The difference between sarcasm and irony is that the former is a "fuck you" and the latter is a "fuck me". OR IS IT?

They say that no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. But I studied for this shit, so brang it, amigo!

It'll be a cold day in hell when the temperature dips below freezing.

science it, bro

I got this partially-masticated apple straight from the horse's mouth.

What did the spontaneously-self-castrating defendant say to the judge? My balls are in your court now!

You can't make an omelette without eggs, you stupid, STUPID wannabe omelette-maker.

Was your mother raised in a whore barn? Because she looks just like a horse I used to bang.

If I had a nickel for every time I've asked myself if I had a nickel during this catchphrase, I'd have one more goddamn nickel in addition to all the other useless nickels in my pocket.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Are you? Are you are you are you? Are you are you are you are you are you are you are you? I'm thinking that your mother's a whore.

Let me go on / Like a blister in the sun / No wait a minute / These tiny hands just don't do it for me