Colfax McLiverneck

Double, double, toil and trouble, yo mamma looks like Bryant Gumbel

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale of yet another small business person.

Your hey is writing checks that your nong can’t cash, man

Don’t assume. Because assume begins with the word ass, which is what you are.

I came here to chunk bubbles and scald ass.

Let’s go ahead and address the elephant in the room. What’s up, Jumbo?

If math was easy, they’d call it your mom.

RU Talkin’ AC/DC to Me and Bobby McGee?

There’s a place in France where the ladies wear no pants. It’s called La Place de la Femmes Sans Pantalons.

You’ve got mail, but you’ll need magical plate armor, because that Beholder is coming in with a +16 melee attack bonus

Make hey while the nong mans.

Assumptions are like assholes—they make an ass out of you and me and holes.

Buttholes are like assholes. They’re literally the same thing.

Catchphrases are like assholes. The sphincter loosens over time.

Have I ever asked myself why I need a new catchphrase so badly? I mean, what volume of farcical meta-nonsense will actually satiate me?

If butts and nuts were putts and guts then the second half of this catchphrase would be nearly impossible to write.

Wh-wh-what’s up, hot g-g-g-ghost?

More like Casper your friendly Mom

A well a bird bird bird in the hand is worth a bird bird bird bird bird bird in the bush.

More like a one-eyed one-horned flying purple phallic symbol

Slimer? I barely ghostbuster!

More like me and Julio down by your mom’s yard

The foot bone’s connected to the leg bone / the leg bone’s connected to my man bone / my man bone’s connected to your mom bone

Never look a gift cat in the butthole.

If elbows and sphincters were croissants and sprinklers and I like less than half of you half as well as frozen margaritas