Colfax McLiverneck

By smashing subatomic maize nuclei, scientists at C.O.R.N. have discovered the Cob Particle—turning the scientific world on its ear.

On today’s show, we welcome Bjorn Cjornson, President of the Association of Scandinavian Socialist Maize-Obsessed Pedagogues—aka A.S.S.M.O.P.

Never touch a Royal. Never squeeze a boil. And NEVER feed corn to Olive Oyl.

Of course I did, my good boy! A day without corn is like a day without sunshine without corn!

I listened very carefully to this entire episode, and, though I was mightily amused, I was also sorely disappointed that corn was not mentioned once. Just imagine what a world without corn would be like. And know that you are enablers of the Anticorn Movement. Terrible.

Chapter One: In Which Jasper and Hieronymus Enter an Alley in Booker Street and Encounter Sir Charles Mackerel VonCornbuttons Sorting Rubbish

Chapter Two: In Which Edward Woos Elizabeth’s Maidservant and Finds a Dormouse Nibbling his Corn Cakes at Tea

Chapter Three: In Which Gordon and Kate are Caught in a Salacious Tryst in Cornwall, and Parliament is Amused by Britain’s Only Talking Mime

In the world of the cornless, the man with one kernel is king.

Dwelling in the towering canopy of the jungle, the tiny, delicious Corn Monkey has only one natural predator—the majestic and deadly Corn Monkey Eagle.

On today’s show, the infamous Cornburglar and his infectious catchphrase “Nobble Nobble”!

On today’s show, the infamous Cornburglar and his infectious catchphrase “Nobble Nobble”!

Come and listen to my story about a man named Jimmy / A poor field hand that barely made it crackin’ corn / And then one day he was continuing to crack corn at an unsustainable pace when he suddenly became deeply depressed at the fact that no one cared / So he jumped off a silo and died a horribly painful death from internal bleeding due to massive shock

Webster’s dictionary describes the 1980s TV show Webster as “A TV show that at first glance seems to be named after a dictionary but isn’t.”

On today’s show, the infamous Cornburglar and his infectious catchphrase “Nobble Nobble”!

So much depends on a red wheelbarrow glazed with hot corn puke beside the poop-speckled chickens

This is just to say that I have eaten the corn that was in the icebox which you were probably saving for a butt plug and boy am I glad I got to it first

So beautiful. So. Very. Beautiful.

Jiminy Cricket cracked corn and I don’t care if my dreams come true.

Ring around the corn hole / A pocket full of hash browns / Bubble gum, Glow sticks / We all go to a Blues Traveler concert

This is the show where we balk at scintillating weep holes.

This is a catchphrase read by an idiot, referencing corn, signifying nothing.

Look like you fell out of the ugly stalk and hit every cob on the way down.

If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.

It’s not that I don’t care if Jimmy cracked corn, it’s that I don’t even know what cracking corn is.