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Colfax McLiverneck

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Everything posted by Colfax McLiverneck

  1. Who’s on first? Cornbread Jones. The end.
  2. Your ass. A hole in the ground. Is there really a difference? Discuss.
  3. Old Man Cornshanks goin’ to town / Ridin’ a llama, draggin’ an owl / Owl makes screech, llama jumps / Old Man Cornshanks takes an unexpected dump
  4. I’m trying to pick a band name, and I’ve narrowed it down to: “Great Balls of Corn”, “Shut Up and Eat Your Fucking Corn”, or “Corn and the Cobermans”
  5. Colfax McLiverneck

    We regret to inform you.

    We regret to inform you.
  6. Womp Rat and Womp it Up. Rey and Marina del Rey. Listler and Jar Jar. Coincidence? I think not.
  7. B-U-N-G-H-O-L-E and Bunghole was his name-hole
  8. I've had enough of this shit! Can I get my check, and a shit-bag to go?
  9. On today’s Comedy Twang Twang, it’s super-nervous country music legend Conway Twitchy!
  10. Wompless for far too long, ring-coveter and considerer-in-totality Robert Smeagol cowers in the corner of his moist cave, softly humming his jamz
  11. Cash preferred but trash accepted because another man’s treasure and whatnot.
  12. Un-womped jamz are almost as tragic as corn-less catchphrases.
  13. Ira Glass can kiss my ass—he sold me third-class cornflax grass.
  14. Raccoons ate my baby #hashbrowntheghostclown
  15. More like Calamari Town #thisamericanbarf
  16. It was Paul F Tumnus in my closet #backinslowly
  17. No worries, sir. I believe ardently that ALL catchphrases should have corn. The world deserves no less.
  18. Thanks, guys! My corn-themed surprise party was quite the success—especially the part where I punched Santa in the beard and killed Ho Ho.
  19. The rules of cornhole did not change between the last game and this one, southern Mark Wahlberg-impersonator Dirk Y’allberg.
  20. “Ohhh myyy” said George Takei as he swallowed a fly—perhaps he’ll die. Too soon?
  21. On today’s show, the inventor of powdered corned beef—Bjorn Cjornsen!
  22. On today’s show, the President of the United States of America—Chris Ballew, with his greatest hit, Lump!
  23. On today’s show, Orthodox Rabbi Heymie Nongman and his trusty sidekick Kangaroo Randy the Rodeo Clam!
  24. King Nong swings long and bangs wrong gong—details at 10 on HEY9 News.
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