And now a reading from Second Heynongians 7,18: “And behold, the Angel of Perishment did descend upon the Holy Earwolf Table, and a host of callbacks did follow with him, and there was a rending of copy and a gnashing of apples throughout the land.”

[And now a reading from Second Heynongians 7,18: “And behold, the Angel of Perishment did descend upon the Holy Earwolf Table, and a host of callbacks did follow with him, and there was a rending of copy and a gnashing of apples throughout the land.”]

And now a reading from Second Heynongians 7,18: “And behold, the Angel of Perishment did descend upon the Holy Earwolf Table, and a host of callbacks did follow with him, and there was a rending of copy and a gnashing of apples throughout the land.”

[Next on One Thing Considered, we talk to another small business person.]

Next on One Thing Considered, we talk to another small business person.

[You’ve got mail, but you might look into a quality set of plate armor, because that owlbear is coming in hot with a +12 melee attack bonus]

You’ve got mail, but you might look into a quality set of plate armor, because that owlbear is coming in hot with a +12 melee attack bonus 

[Bifurcate. Convex. Impinge. Corn. Tremolo. Heuristic. Fungible.]

Bifurcate. Convex. Impinge. Corn. Tremolo. Heuristic. Fungible.

[On today’s show, the author of “My Malodorous Mammoth”, Josephus Cornbaum the Writing Hobo and his smelly, furry—and tellingly immobile—elephant, Elvin.]

On today’s show, the author of “My Malodorous Mammoth”, Josephus Cornbaum the Writing Hobo and his smelly, furry—and tellingly immobile—elephant, Elvin.

[Villany. Fuselage. Xylophone. Corn. Ameliorate. Juddering. Imprimatur.]

Villany. Fuselage. Xylophone. Corn. Ameliorate. Juddering. Imprimatur.

[You, me, a tureen of pureed corn, and a shaved sloth named Wilhelmena. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.]

You, me, a tureen of pureed corn, and a shaved sloth named Wilhelmena. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

[Heynong her? I barely know her, man.]

Heynong her? I barely know her, man.

[Nugatory. Poblano. Trenchant. Corn. Vernacular. Cudgel. Simulacrum.]

Nugatory. Poblano. Trenchant. Corn. Vernacular. Cudgel. Simulacrum.

[Non sequitur? I barely cornbread.]

Non sequitur? I barely cornbread.

[More like bed, bath, and your mom.]

More like bed, bath, and your mom.

[Occlusion. Bifurcate. Specious. Corn. Winsome. Masticate. Impelled.]

Occlusion. Bifurcate. Specious. Corn. Winsome. Masticate. Impelled.

[Tragedy plus time equals comedy plus bang plus bang.]

Tragedy plus time equals comedy plus bang plus bang.

[More like Between Two Ficuses. Or is it Fici?]

More like Between Two Ficuses. Or is it Fici?

[An itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout, out my shower head, and bit me on the face, causing a disfiguring necrosis which led to my nickname, “Vernon the Squash-Headed Freakshow Boy”.]

An itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout, out my shower head, and bit me on the face, causing a disfiguring necrosis which led to my nickname, “Vernon the Squash-Headed Freakshow Boy”. 

[Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm until I get the shelter up.]

Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm until I get the shelter up.

[James fractured maize, and I cared not.]

James fractured maize, and I cared not.

[Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale. Specifically, a Pygmy Right Whale, so actually just hop back on out—there’s only room for me. Byeee]

Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale. Specifically, a Pygmy Right Whale, so actually just hop back on out—there’s only room for me. Byeee 

[Grumpy the Oldman, had a gouty big left toe, with a corn cob pipe and a hairy nose and a nasty habit of pooping in his neighbors’ yards.]

Grumpy the Oldman, had a gouty big left toe, with a corn cob pipe and a hairy nose and a nasty habit of pooping in his neighbors’ yards.

[I opened the door, there was poop on the floor—somebody didn’t walk the dinosaur!]

I opened the door, there was poop on the floor—somebody didn’t walk the dinosaur!

[Chapter the Twenty-Fourth: In Which Sir Robert of Lickingcorn is Pursued by the Constable After Absconding from the Village Haberdashery with a Purloined Full-Beaver Bowler]

Chapter the Twenty-Fourth: In Which Sir Robert of Lickingcorn is Pursued by the Constable After Absconding from the Village Haberdashery with a Purloined Full-Beaver Bowler

[I got a problem locating my cattle in the dark, and the only prescription is more cowbells.]

I got a problem locating my cattle in the dark, and the only prescription is more cowbells. 

[When life gives you bubblegum, kick some ass.]

When life gives you bubblegum, kick some ass.

[Your mom sells dumbshells by the stupidshore.]

Your mom sells dumbshells by the stupidshore.

[Franky, my man, I don’t nong a hey.]

Franky, my man, I don’t nong a hey.