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Posts posted by Colfax McLiverneck
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She sold seashells by the seashore until Shoshana’s Seaside Sundry Shack and Souvenir Shoppe subverted her scheme by short-selling shinier seashells at substantial savings.
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My bologna has an unfortunate first name, it’s A D O L  F
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It’s Doctor Shartknickers. I didn’t go to school for eight years to be called Mister Shartknickers.
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Ain’t no party like a blue-faced monkey party cause a blue-faced monkey party is mandrilltory.
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Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Fart, and the world laughs at you.
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I don’t care what your state motto is, Missouri—I’m not showing you my third nipple.Â
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Here at Comedy Bang Bang, we have an LMNOpen-door policy.
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Ain’t no party like a double-negative party cause a double-negative party don’t have no end.
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Mormon murder. Merman mordor. There’s got to be a catchphrase in there somewhere.
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There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s money.
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There once was a man from Corntucket whose cob was so long he could shuck it.
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If I’ve said “if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times” a thousand times, then I’ve said it a million times.
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If life gives you lemonade, then you really don’t need those lemons. Can I have them?Â
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Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al. James Al.
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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray your mom my nips to tweak
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One potato two potato three potato why the fuck are we counting potatoes?
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Keep your pants on, ladies of France.
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Sergei Prokofiev. Ranch dressing. The geographic center of Nebraska. Coincidence? I think not.
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I do not like spam, spam, spam, spam, green eggs and spam.
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Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride your mom. Uh huh
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I got a problem locating my cattle in the dark, and the only prescription is more cowbells.Â
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Three-cheek butt got two holes. It’s simple math, Linda.
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Acorn squash. Mount Doom. A number 1 screwdriver. Coincidence? I think not.
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Nobody out-Jabbas the Hut.
My angry garbage-dwelling puppet friend has a first name, it’s O S C A R
in New Catchphrase Suggestions
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My angry garbage-dwelling puppet friend has a first name, it’s O S C A R