If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will extend its computer-generated water tentacle and gaze back at you.

[If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will extend its computer-generated water tentacle and gaze back at you.]

If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will extend its computer-generated water tentacle and gaze back at you.

[Never ask how the creamed corn is made.]

Never ask how the creamed corn is made.

[Knick knack paddy whack, give the dog a microloan so he can source a viable inventory of bones and build a sustainable supply chain to provide his local homeless canine community with much-needed snacks.]

Knick knack paddy whack, give the dog a microloan so he can source a viable inventory of bones and build a sustainable supply chain to provide his local homeless canine community with much-needed snacks.

[I came here to chew bubblegum and get kicked by ass, which is why I’m here at this farm standing behind a donkey smacking as loudly as I can.]

I came here to chew bubblegum and get kicked by ass, which is why I’m here at this farm standing behind a donkey smacking as loudly as I can.  

[There once was a whale from Nantucket, but he got harpooned for lamp oil.]

There once was a whale from Nantucket, but he got harpooned for lamp oil.

[Listen my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of your mom in my party van in 1978.]

Listen my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of your mom in my party van in 1978.

[One if by land, two if by sea, 7.88 x c23 / (b19 - 1) if by non-Euclidean quantum matrix displacement]

One if by land, two if by sea, 7.88 x c23 / (b19 - 1) if by non-Euclidean quantum matrix displacement

[If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.]

If you can’t stand the human sacrifice, get out of the corn field.

[And now a reading from Second Heynongians chapter 7, verse 13: “And when the seal of the Sixth Hundo was opened, the Serpent of Mantzouka descended, married Scott’s ex-girlfriend, and hosted the show for a thousand years or until it was cancelled. Amen.”]

And now a reading from Second Heynongians chapter 7, verse 13: “And when the seal of the Sixth Hundo was opened, the Serpent of Mantzouka descended, married Scott’s ex-girlfriend, and hosted the show for a thousand years or until it was cancelled. Amen.”

[This hundo is sponsored by Tim Burton’s Gumbo and this bowl of oyster dumbo.]

This hundo is sponsored by Tim Burton’s Gumbo and this bowl of oyster dumbo.

[Breakin’ off another hundo with some classic mumbo jumbo.]

Breakin’ off another hundo with some classic mumbo jumbo.

[Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran out the clock by taking a knee on the cat’s 25-yard line with 8 seconds remaining.]

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran out the clock by taking a knee on the cat’s 25-yard line with 8 seconds remaining.

[My bologna has a last name. It’s Jenkins. Bologna Jenkins.]

My bologna has a last name. It’s Jenkins. Bologna Jenkins.

[Ohh the weather outside is frightful but your post-modernist arrangements of 14th-century proto-feminist Bavarian devotional vespers convent chant in the style of 1990s Danish synth-pop are so delightful.]

Ohh the weather outside is frightful but your post-modernist arrangements of 14th-century proto-feminist Bavarian devotional vespers convent chant in the style of 1990s Danish synth-pop are so delightful.

[A bird in the hand is either very unhappy or dead.]

A bird in the hand is either very unhappy or dead.

[It’s raining, it’s pouring, this catchphrase is boring.]

It’s raining, it’s pouring, this catchphrase is boring.

[Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, which was his first mistake.]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, which was his first mistake.

[Let’s all take a moment to remember Hiram K. Ledbetter, 9-time Wisconsin Cornhole Champion. He was truly a cornholer’s cornholer.]

Let’s all take a moment to remember Hiram K. Ledbetter, 9-time Wisconsin Cornhole Champion. He was truly a cornholer’s cornholer.

[Feeling cute, might eat some spinach and stomp a mudhole in Bluto’s candy ass later, idk]

Feeling cute, might eat some spinach and stomp a mudhole in Bluto’s candy ass later, idk

[I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed esophagus]

I’m a little teapot short and stout / Here is my handle, here is my anthropomorphic prolapsed esophagus

[We’re almost out of time for the catchphrase segment, so here’s a little something we call catchplugs.]

We’re almost out of time for the catchphrase segment, so here’s a little something we call catchplugs.

[I was walking down the street just the other]

I was walking down the street just the other

[Somewhere nongs are heying, and somewhere Reggie raps. But there is no cast in Podville—for Scott is taking a nap.]

Somewhere nongs are heying, and somewhere Reggie raps. But there is no cast in Podville—for Scott is taking a nap.

[Oh maize, thou glorious golden nugget of nutritious deliciousness, bestow thy corny mercy upon this thy mealy podcast. Ramen.]

Oh maize, thou glorious golden nugget of nutritious deliciousness, bestow thy corny mercy upon this thy mealy podcast. Ramen.

[Can I call you Strange Betty? You can call me Al. Weird Al.]

Can I call you Strange Betty? You can call me Al. Weird Al.