One if by land / Two if by sea / f[2Xa-Σ/17] if by dimorphic quantum manifold transference

[One if by land / Two if by sea / f[2Xa-Σ/17] if by dimorphic quantum manifold transference]

One if by land / Two if by sea / f[2Xa-Σ/17] if by dimorphic quantum manifold transference

[Corn is for winner, bean is for loser.]

Corn is for winner, bean is for loser.

[Chapter the Thirteenth: In Which a Sinister Chap Dons a Perforated Masque and Becomes Stabby in Piccadilly Street]

Chapter the Thirteenth: In Which a Sinister Chap Dons a Perforated Masque and Becomes Stabby in Piccadilly Street

[Franky, my man, I don’t hey a nong.]

Franky, my man, I don’t hey a nong.

[Recipient of the 12th Annual “Excellence in Continuing to Make My Mom ask ‘What’s a Podcast?’” Award.]

Recipient of the 12th Annual “Excellence in Continuing to Make My Mom ask ‘What’s a Podcast?’” Award.

[You call that a catchphrase? That’s not a catchphrase. THIS is a catchphrase.]

You call that a catchphrase? That’s not a catchphrase. THIS is a catchphrase.

[Your ego is writing heys that your body can’t nong, man.]

Your ego is writing heys that your body can’t nong, man.

[In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is a real creep.]

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is a real creep.

[Chapter the Twelfth: In Which a Discombobulated Wharf Rat Wanders into Cornsqueak Street and is Subsequently Elected Constable of Marleybone]

Chapter the Twelfth: In Which a Discombobulated Wharf Rat Wanders into Cornsqueak Street and is Subsequently Elected Constable of Marleybone

[Chapter the Eleventh: In Which Sir Pod Casterly Arrives From the Future and Bewitches Lady Cumberteats with His Fashion-Forward Cardigans and Rapier-Like Witticisms]

Chapter the Eleventh: In Which Sir Pod Casterly Arrives From the Future and Bewitches Lady Cumberteats with His Fashion-Forward Cardigans and Rapier-Like Witticisms

[Chapter the Tenth: In Which An Hapless Ninny Imbibes Nine Gills of Gutter Gin on Saint Erasmus’ Day and Finds Himself Incarcerated in Buttshanks-Upon-Cocksfordshire]

Chapter the Tenth: In Which An Hapless Ninny Imbibes Nine Gills of Gutter Gin on Saint Erasmus’ Day and Finds Himself Incarcerated in Buttshanks-Upon-Cocksfordshire

[Chapter the Ninth: In Which Scottrick’s Haberdasher is Stricken with Elbow Gout, Resulting in a Completely Hatless Episode. Repeat, Hatless.]

Chapter the Ninth: In Which Scottrick’s Haberdasher is Stricken with Elbow Gout, Resulting in a Completely Hatless Episode. Repeat, Hatless.

[Chapter the Eighth: In Which Timothan the Younger Becomes Discombobulated in a Corn Maze and is Further Hindered by a Surly Five-Legged Stoat]

Chapter the Eighth: In Which Timothan the Younger Becomes Discombobulated in a Corn Maze and is Further Hindered by a Surly Five-Legged Stoat

[Chapter the Seventh: In Which Our Pilgrim Encounters a Bloviating Milk Camel in Hereford-on-Shartshire and Learns a Valuable Lesson Concerning Personal Hygiene]

Chapter the Seventh: In Which Our Pilgrim Encounters a Bloviating Milk Camel in Hereford-on-Shartshire and Learns a Valuable Lesson Concerning Personal Hygiene

[Well I’m runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load because the colonic flow therapy has been less than successful.]

Well I’m runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load because the colonic flow therapy has been less than successful.

[It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but at the same time, so basically it was just a regular time.]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but at the same time, so basically it was just a regular time.

[There’s less than one way to skin Schrodinger's cat.]

There’s less than one way to skin Schrodinger's cat.

[This catchphrase is about whatever you’re thinking about right now. Unless you’re thinking about corn. I don’t write catchphrases about corn, because corn is stupid.]

This catchphrase is about whatever you’re thinking about right now. Unless you’re thinking about corn. I don’t write catchphrases about corn, because corn is stupid.

[Non sequitur? I barely shampoo Beowulf!]

Non sequitur? I barely shampoo Beowulf!

[Mr. Nongman walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey!”]

Mr. Nongman walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey!”

[Glottalized ejective. Uvular sibilant. Alveolar bilabial. This has been Filthy Phonetics, with your host, Ogod Dontstoperman.]

Glottalized ejective. Uvular sibilant. Alveolar bilabial. This has been Filthy Phonetics, with your host, Ogod Dontstoperman.

[Outside what may be a man in a bear suit, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside what may be a man in a bear suit, it’s both too dark to read and impossible to determine whether it’s a bear or a man in a bear suit.]

Outside what may be a man in a bear suit, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside what may be a man in a bear suit, it’s both too dark to read and impossible to determine whether it’s a bear or a man in a bear suit.

[Catchphart®]

Catchphart®

[And right there, in a cornfield in ancient Nebraska, Jesus himself used a muleosaur to plow the Garden of Reagan and grow the first tobaccy plants. Did you like the story? Good, now go to sleep, you tiny idiots.]

And right there, in a cornfield in ancient Nebraska, Jesus himself used a muleosaur to plow the Garden of Reagan and grow the first tobaccy plants. Did you like the story? Good, now go to sleep, you tiny idiots.

[What cow? That cow. When cow? Now cow. Why cow? Because cow.]

What cow? That cow. When cow? Now cow. Why cow? Because cow.