Old men who live in glass houses should move to regular houses, because nobody wants to see them saggy nuts

[Old men who live in glass houses should move to regular houses, because nobody wants to see them saggy nuts]

Old men who live in glass houses should move to regular houses, because nobody wants to see them saggy nuts

[Jingle bells, Batman smells, probably because his bat-suit is stored in a cave full of bat shit.]

Jingle bells, Batman smells, probably because his bat-suit is stored in a cave full of bat shit.

[Flick my balls with boughs of holly, ooo la la la la, la la la la]

Flick my balls with boughs of holly, ooo la la la la, la la la la

[Is it too early to put my tree up… your mom’s butt?]

Is it too early to put my tree up… your mom’s butt? 

[Jingle balls, jingle balls, who stapled these keys to my testicles?]

Jingle balls, jingle balls, who stapled these keys to my testicles?

[Oh the weather outside is frightful, but your mom is so delightful]

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but your mom is so delightful

[In the vast, harsh tundra of Finland, reindeer born with red noses are ostracised by the herd, and the helpless calves slowly starve on the unforgiving icy plain—if they survive the wolves.]

In the vast, harsh tundra of Finland, reindeer born with red noses are ostracised by the herd, and the helpless calves slowly starve on the unforgiving icy plain—if they survive the wolves.

[Podcasts are like assholes—you’ve got to relax the sphincter before the fun can begin]

Podcasts are like assholes—you’ve got to relax the sphincter before the fun can begin

[Somewhere Fourvel’s stabby, and somewhere Reggie raps—but there is no Hey in Nongville, for Scott’s in Jason’s lap]

Somewhere Fourvel’s stabby, and somewhere Reggie raps—but there is no Hey in Nongville, for Scott’s in Jason’s lap

[If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times—once I’ve told you 999 times, I’m only going to tell you one more time.]

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times—once I’ve told you 999 times, I’m only going to tell you one more time.

[One if by land, two if by sea, three if by a bespectacled owl eating candy]

One if by land, two if by sea, three if by a bespectacled owl eating candy

[My name is Gustavo McDuff, and I am the bodybuilder that killed your giant sad puppet by asphyxiating it with powdered tobacco. That’s right—I’m Gus McDuff the Buff Snuffleupagus Snuff-Snuffer.]

My name is Gustavo McDuff, and I am the bodybuilder that killed your giant sad puppet by asphyxiating it with powdered tobacco. That’s right—I’m Gus McDuff the Buff Snuffleupagus Snuff-Snuffer.

[It’s alimentary, my dear Watson. That’s why it’s called “The Mystery of the Hot Log”]

It’s alimentary, my dear Watson. That’s why it’s called “The Mystery of the Hot Log”

[Two streams diverge from my yellow wood, cause I’m Big Bird and I just did your mom]

Two streams diverge from my yellow wood, cause I’m Big Bird and I just did your mom

[When hot log hits your eye like le tarte aux odures, that’s a-merde]

When hot log hits your eye like le tarte aux odures, that’s a-merde

[Two logs diverged in a yellow wood, and I chose the hot one]

Two logs diverged in a yellow wood, and I chose the hot one

[Find a hot log, pick it up, then all day you’ll reek like yuck]

Find a hot log, pick it up, then all day you’ll reek like yuck

[Hey diddle diddle, you can’t do that in the park]

Hey diddle diddle, you can’t do that in the park

[In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is a real creeper]

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is a real creeper

[I will not eat Hot Logs and Ham, I do not like them Heynong Man]

I will not eat Hot Logs and Ham, I do not like them Heynong Man

[Well I would walk 500 miles just to drop one hot log at your door]

Well I would walk 500 miles just to drop one hot log at your door

[More like time for your mom to make the ho-nuts]

More like time for your mom to make the ho-nuts

[On today’s show, we will consume the corn dogs of wisdom and dispense the hot logs of truth.]

On today’s show, we will consume the corn dogs of wisdom and dispense the hot logs of truth.

[One if by land, two if by sea, three if by your mom]

One if by land, two if by sea, three if by your mom

[Breaking news: Comedy Bang Bang has been cancelled and will be replaced by a reading of “The Obtuse Lamentations of Hieronymus VonBoobstache: An Autobiography of Hieronymus VonBoobstach”, by Hieronymus VonBoobstache.]

Breaking news: Comedy Bang Bang has been cancelled and will be replaced by a reading of “The Obtuse Lamentations of Hieronymus VonBoobstache: An Autobiography of Hieronymus VonBoobstach”, by Hieronymus VonBoobstache.