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CaptPukeFish

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Everything posted by CaptPukeFish

  1. We shall settle this as they did in the before times, as the sacred scrolls mandate - drunk frisbee golf.
  2. Dammit uncle Frank, If you're not going to take the ceremony seriously then get your panties out of the crock pot and give me back my dentures.
  3. Alone they were powerless, but together they magically form a collection of individuals finding a sense of acceptance and security in a group setting
  4. CaptPukeFish

    Best of 2016 Pt. 3

    . Thompkins/Tompkins...Berenstein/Berenstain? The rabbit hole goes deeper than we can imagine and the truth will determine everyones future, however, I've lost interest.
  5. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but you catch the most flies with a steamy pile of shit, so mind your goddam business Grandma.
  6. CaptPukeFish

    Best of 2016 Pt. 3

    I'm not a violent person, and I don't judge anyone by race, sex, religious beliefs, or cultural background, but if you think it's always been "BerenstAin Bears", don't be surprised if I put hands on you, that's all.
  7. CaptPukeFish

    Best of 2016 Pt. 3

    Look, anyone who knows me knows I normally don't like to be serious or get too critical, especially around the holidays, but Mr. Tompkins, I. Am. Flabbergasted. "Why", you ask? Why would a time traveler change something as arbitrary and seemingly insignificant as the 'E' at the end of Barenstein to an 'A'? Oh, I don't know. How about to test and measure the cultural, physical, and psychological ramifications that time travel and any kind of adjustments made by time travelers have on the world? I'm not going to get into why they chose a beloved, slightly communist, children's book series as the perfect tool, or how there's evidence that Ellis Island was filled with time travelers at one point, it's all in my affordable blog/vlog. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Perhaps there's something more sinister than your child-like ignorance that keeps you from admitting the truth. Listen, I don't care if you're a time traveler or not, my point is, with all due respect, you can't afford to be this naive, especially around the holidays.
  8. Slow fade-down to:A diverse group of children playing stickball in the inner city. Flashfwd to:Carrottop buying steroids off of a snarky Vegas hooker.
  9. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. Maybe because when I was younger my dad refused to play catchphrase with me.
  10. "both of mine are extremely hairy" I've read that about you, which is why I was so taken aback. It all makes sense now. Looks like I know what question to ask Scott during his next AMA.
  11. I expected this, but I have to ask, why shave only one ball?
  12. If ur gonna live under my roof, ur gonna live by my rules. That's what makes it ironic that I'm killing u on the roof with my ruler.
  13. The internet is exactly like my butthole; full of adorable kittens.
  14. Whoever hacked my account and started posting catchphrases, stop it. Ur not funny and they're not funny. WTF is comedy bang bang? Kill urself.
  15. I have wept. I have dreamed. I have witnessed the ancient moon make wee wee in it's dye dye.
  16. Your honor, ladies and gentleman of the jury, incoming students, busters, tricks, tramps, hoes, and daddymacks, please remain in your funk trance.
  17. According to a recent survey, accordions threw a decent soirée.
  18. They say even today, you can see him in the sand dunes, gumming his dentures, drinking a banana, and farting on grandma.
  19. What do you mean the prophecy isn't true? Then why did I bleach my butthole? Why did I bleach everyone's butthole?!!!
  20. The ellipsis is used to indicate that something is being mimed, which is funny because we aren't told what the rule is, and are left with our imaginations to picture a mime arbitrarily miming something. It could presumably be a popular reference to a famous line from the motion picture Fight Club, in which we are told the first and second rules of the fight club are to not talk about fight club. However, another level of humor is added to this particular element, because it could very well be that there are two altogether different rules for mime club, and may have nothing to do with talking about mime club at all, and this is just a simple mime club, which I think could be relatively funny. The third element of humor does however assume we are referring to the fight club quote, and so we can read it as "the first rule of mime club is you do not talk about mime club." This is funny because the very idea that a mime is talking is contradictory in nature. Mimes are clowns that don't talk. Fight Club was released in USA theatres in 1999 and stars Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. It is based upon the Chuck Pahluniak book of the same name.
  21. A good captain goes down with the ship. A great captain goes down on you in a truckstop bathroom.
  22. Attention viewers, 'The invisible Man' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you a mediocre catchphrase.
  23. Have you read the big news? Did you see? Have you heard? It looks like all news is fake now, and your mom ate my turd.
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