CaptPukeFish

Judge Judy not, lest you be judge dredd.

There comes a time and a place. The time? now. The place? Your ears. The comes? Courtesy of yours truly.

Ooh baby I like it raw, but I prefer it medium rare.

Well, now you know why they call me ‘thigh brows’.

It’s like Bobby deniro once said to me, he says, “Put down that knife, I’m not Robert deniro.”

If there’s one thing I learned from my dear grand papa, is if you’re goin to Mardi Gras, you better know Krav Maga.

In reality, the trip was kind of dull and repetitive. We sort of just played similar sounding music over and over again. If I’m being honest with myself, it’s probably the main reason I developed a debilitating drug habit.

For a person with no legs? Idk. We’re almost there tho.

As a paraplegic, if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s up.

You know what I can’t stand? Chairs without legs.

I’m off like the prom

You can lead a man to water. That mans name? Water killer Joe. The end

The world may remember him as Richard Pryor, but to me he’ll always be Dick Previous.

My neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack. Of course, doctor, if the fungus spreads to any other areas, I’ll contact you immediately.

I got two tickets to Paradise, Wyoming. It’s for me and a girlfriend I made up and we’re going to my parents funeral.