CaptPukeFish

Better to have a trash bag filled dog farts and not need it, then to need a trash bag full of dog farts and not have it.

I didn't come this far just to lose the long distance ejaculation contest.

"Watch this ass trick, bitch” said the bitch-ass trick, as he tricked my bitch ass. Best to keep track of a tricky bitch like trashy ass Richie Rich.

Overcome with irony while transporting logs down the Hershey highway, the driver lost control of both his truck and bowels. There were no survivors.

It was a 4 hour slo-motion video of an elderly Marlon Brando's ass cheeks slapping together,and it was the best 6th birthday a boy could ever wish for

Misery loves company, and the company loves humpin' me. As long as the accompanying humping, is encompassed within lovely Missouri.

And there, majestically perched atop the old cathedral, tattered cape twisting in the wind, was Fartboob McPooface, inappropriately touching himself

An unwilling hero. An innocent victim. An intrepid reporter. A woman scorned. A struggling single father. A boy coming of age. A dog that almost dies

Time's up class, please put down ur pencils, take off ur blindfolds and remove the ball gags from ur mouths. Surprise! I'm not really a yoga instructor

Part of me wants to slap you, and part of me wants to kiss you. And both of those parts are the tip of my penis.

George Orwell was right. No wait, it was Orsen Wells. Wait no, it was the Olsen twins. The Olsen twins were so fuckin right.

I'm gonna play Pink Floyds The Wall so loudly and a Mexican is going to listen to it.

I quit my job and now I make $1500-$3000 a week taking hi-res pictures of squirrels' buttholes. You can too. Just lick the clink below my taint.

Anyone who says pro wrestling is fake never had their dick kicked in by a midget after falling off a 30 foot ladder onto a bed of mousetraps.

Ask me about my borderline interesting, psuedo-narcissistic, self-indulgent behavior.

I don't mean to harp on this, but you did just die, and I am an angel with a bitchin' golden harp, so fuck it, and fuck you.

Good luck finding a bus driver with an ass like mine that can drink as much as I can and still get these little bastards to school on time.

What part of "polish all of my warts with your nipple sweat" didn't you understand?

The court finds that although the defendant is officially diagnosed as being"coocoo for Cocoa Puffs", he is still not exempt from paying child support

Richard Roeper praised the film, claiming "The perfect amount of sex for all that wet hot dripping sexiness." See Finding Dory, currently in theaters.

It ain't easy growing up on a farm. Unless, like every child ever, you naturally acclimate to the life you were born into, then its relatively easy.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, the arrow you fire will probably just land safely in that playground full of children.

Kindness? I thought you said "Kill em with 'Kindles'". Great. Now I've got a dozen bloody Kindles and I don't even know how to read.

He's the type of guy that was born on 3rd base and thinks he kicked a slapshot. His lack of modesty only outdone by his lack of basic sports knowledge

Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. Just pee on it and sing me Christmas carols, like you promised.