CaptPukeFish

I did a backflip on roller skates and then sucker punched my dad in his tits. I don't need his bullshit. I'm the roller skate king now old man. Deuces.

"See me after school young man!" She said jokingly. We all laughed since Bobby was Mrs. Murphy's son, and they lived together. Also he was blind.

I'll fondly remember Brenda. Mostly for how she fondled my member last November. And now her children would like to say a few words.

The secret to comedy is just building up expectations, and then jerking off a clown on a crowded school bus.

I know. You thought I'd say "bee lover".

I grew up on a farm. And by "farm" I mean mental institution. And by "grew up" I mean liquid sandwich muffin penis.

Call me old fashioned, but I like to check a prostitute for weapons before we drop acid together.

Maybe its the child inside of me, but my favorite thing about panda bears is their succulent rib meat.

Enter bonus code MITTENS for a free 7 year trial membership.

It's like the old saying goes, "Too many chiefs, not enough dick pics"

Ask me about my booty hole.

Hold on to your fit bits and watch out for split lips. This shit fit may result in nip slips.

The verdict is in: People like the new diet Dr. Pepper more than they like getting beaten to death in a prison cafeteria.

Desire is just your dreams trying to come true. A fart is just a poo saying "How do you do?"

well played sir.

When all of a sudden, I came upon a group of deer in my travels. Have fun washing all that cum off. Stupid deer.

The crusty scabs will flake off. The burning sensation will subside. The giggling will echo throughout eternity. This is how sex was born.

This is how the sausage gets made. "How the maid gets sausaged" has been cancelled.

"Beggars can't be choosers" he whispers, as he chews the leg off of a beggar. The Chewsler strikes again!

Dawn breaks. Her curfew. Her father stays up waiting, watching the sunrise. Dawn breaks. Into her bedroom window to avoid confrontation.

Good news. The show can proceed. I'm being told those missing gallons of super-spiders poses harm to the audience ONLY.

No, certainly not "harmless". I said "armless". But even I'm surprised he could start and wield a chainsaw with his feet.

He'll take you to the edge.Blindfold you.Spin you around a few times.Then kick you in the back.Please mom.No more vacations with that sadistic bastard.

That's never gonna heal if you keep stuffing ping pong balls in it.

A controversial catchphrase submitter looks down at the boy and says, "I can't operate on this girl. She's my son."