CaptPukeFish

Fancy meeting you here. Fancy meeting you there. Tell me the truth, you're having an affair with Fancy aren't you?

You never really learn the true meaning of Christmas until you wake up tied to a chair in a room filled with snakes.

I'm wearing this mask because we like to have fun, but mostly so you can't identify me once this is over.

Like...ever.

Read this and I'll release the stranger I have tied up in my basement. Your move funny man. Captain Pukefish has the upper hand now.

The crap in my pants was just happenstance, but I'm getting a little tired of your self-indulgent vomitting.

lets go take a ride on the fun bus, because we're gonna need you to identify the body.

Jerry determined he could no longer run from his past. His freshly severed legs determined he could no longer run from me. I. love. Jerry.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then we play "find the eye". Then its arts and crafts, where eye gouging is mandatory.

I'm being told we are not authorized to put any more "stank" on it until all the layers of old stank are completely removed. I apologize for the delay.

Orphan attacks are down 300% since I burned that orphanage down, and THIS is how you repay me? With charred orphan bones!? Where the fuck AM I?

I wish I could go back and open a torch and pitchfork store during the Frankenstein era. Oh well. Mine as well just jerk off for the 4th time today.

They say there are no small parts, only small actors. But for cannibal casting director Marty Smalls, it's all about eating an actor's small parts.

Per new union regulations, as stated in article 4c, subsection B, I'm now contractually obligated to blow yer fuckin minds!!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people, and stupid catchphrases. Behold as they all join forces, Stupid.

The spirit is willing but is the mind strong enough? Find out tonight, live! It's Spirit vs Mind on the Psychic Kickboxing Network.

The blood and semen will wash off, but I'll be damned if ever I come to another Rose Bowl parade

Wring out your panties Sister Margaret, the devil's coming to the dance and he'll be wearing golden socks with crimson sandals. These are the end times. The loosey goosey end times.

Thanks Mick_. cant wait to listen to it and stroke my huge, throbbing ego.

Our love was a lie. It was wet spaghetti the whole time. High five! Oh, I forgot you were just a dolphin. Man this life raft smells like dead dolphin.

NASA faked the moon landing, but the poon landing was real, and now you have herpes. Game. Set. Match.

I've heard of fastidiously harvesting organs, but an Oregon harvest festival?

Looking back,I wish I'd taken a selfie with him in the background. Also,he killed every1 i ever loved.Whatever.Next time,Godzilla selfie betch! lol

Put down your bongs and whip out your shlongs, now climb aboard the fucktruck to tittytown. This is the Oprah book club like you've never seen it before!

Tonight on "The Procrastinating Self-Diagnosing Pharmaceutical Manufacturer, MD", the doctor finally gets a taste of his own medicine.