CaptPukeFish

There comes a time in everyone’s life, and I really don’t think enough people are talking about it.

Who has 36 thumbs and has a listener of this podcast mailing then severed thumbs? I do. The authorities have been notified.

The case was a slam dunk. The victim was a slam dunk. The verdict - a slam dunk? What the heck was going on in this volleyball game?

Cream cheese makes the dream cheese.

Float like a butterfly. Sting like a butterfly. Begin walking upright and mimic human speech like a butterfly.

Those are my loaves, those are my fishes, but those aren’t my Hershey’s kisses.

I need to emphasize that the stick situation between D and F is a stick E situation.

U

I need a skater in the rink and a tater in the stink.

Big shout out to all my people throwing up in here, and to all my people holding it down out there.

I don’t really like Crocodile Rock, but it definitely beats Crocodile Scissors.

I not only challenge to create imaginary turds, i dare you to make this shit up.

Pretty in pink, shitty in the stink

Just because I fall asleep on your turds, doesn’t mean I’m tired of your shit.

Give it to me straight, doc. No, wait, I’m feelin a little frisky. Let’s put that sucker in sideways.

#poopfart

IF you can’t beat your meat, stay outta the kitchen.

I wrote this and was like, someone must’ve already made this low-effort joke so did a quick google with bing, and I find Mencia made a CD called “Take a Joke America” in 2000? Wtf? Either way, this joke is mine now. Fuck the haters. Edit: maybe he named his CD that to prevent people from making this joke, because I feel dirty about it now and don’t like it anymore. Some next level futuristic meta anti-joke stealing maneuvering from the master. I’ll leave it for posteriors

Say what you will about Carlos Mencia, but at least he knew how to take a joke.

Voting for catchphrase with the smoothest balls is now closed. The winner will be announced all over your moms face.

Ya know, when you get amnesia and then someone shows you a picture of your friends, you really find out who your friends are.

Mimes

I didn’t get angry when the doctor shrunk half my scrotum, but I did get a little testy.

When grandpa died and left me his concrete dildo, I took it pretty hard.

I love to meet a fan, but I prefer to fan my meat.