Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

CaptPukeFish

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    800

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Topics posted by CaptPukeFish

  1.  

    Fun fact: Virgin smurf blood eliminates herpes, provided it was a smurf that gave you the herpes, otherwise known as smurpies.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 335 views
  2.  

    If making stereotypical Asian jokes and being ashamed of my Caucasian heritage is Wong, I don't wanna be white.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 312 views
  3.  

    Contrary to popular belief, the term "contrary to popular belief" was coined by pansexual uber-DJ, The Contrarious Beefy Lee.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 363 views
  4.  

    Chapped lips, chapstick, assless chaps, and Tracy Chapman's dickless napsack, coming up next, on "Whats Crackin' Hackensack?"

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 385 views
  5.  

    I hate when I go to the bathroom and forget my iPhone. I feel like I let down all of the loyal followers of my slo-motion poop web series once again.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 327 views
  6.  

    In space, no one can hear The Scream, by Edvard Munch. This is for a number of reasons,the least of which involves being in the silent vacuum of space

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 357 views
  7.  

    Lightning storms? Knife fights? Racial slurs? Now this is the kind of teddy bear picnic I'm not ashamed to jerk off to.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 416 views
  8.  

    Consider the infinity boner; waltzing recklessly through the dreams of your whore mother.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 431 views
  9.  

    You can tune a fish's piano, but you can't pee an "O".

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 361 views
  10.  

    A coquettish elderly girl scout. A gruesomely disfigured carnival freak. Watch them take down big pharma, and dry-hump, next, on an all new "Blossom"

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 374 views
  11.  

    By all accounts it was a renegade chimney sweep, naked from the waist down, brandishing a flaming umbrella and speaking in tongues. Dark times indeed.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 548 views
  12.  

    Back in my day, 3 wooden nickles and a flapdoodle got you a dollop of finger juice down at the roller derby, and Pearl Jam tickets were only $25

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 334 views
  13.  

    You're a damn fine cop Wiskowski, but you're reckless. Also you're just a watermelon with sunglasses on. Also I'm pregnant n I think you're the mother

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 388 views
  14.  

    If you wanna make god laugh, tell him your plans. If you wanna make him aroused, play him my mixtape.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 372 views
  15.  

    She didn't play by the rules, which i liked. She had an unwieldy amount of malodorous muppet dicks hanging from her ceiling, but I was in love.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 318 views
  16.  

    Mama told me there'd be days like this..."Durrl be dafes." Mama had a bad lisp, a cleft palette, and was exceedingly literal.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 500 views
  17.  

    Looks like the cat's outta the bag. And so much for my favorite bag, now generously imbued with the rancid urine of a transient cat. Fuck you cat.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 416 views
  18.  

    Attention shoppers, "Sandpaper Dave" is no longer offering free handjobs inside the wicker wardrobe. Crate and Barrel apologizes for the inconvenience

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 422 views
  19.  

    It's that special time of year again, when Gary Busey starts mailing me pieces of his bones.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 403 views
  20.  

    Unfortunately, there's nothing sexual about a Norwegian fish market, but sprinkle in some anal beads, and viola.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 381 views
  21.  

    Protip: Unleash scorpions at your next company picnic, and pull out the scorpion anti-venom when panic ensues. Who's useless now, Janice?

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 392 views
  22.  

    If you're gonna dance with the devil, try to ignore his sweatpants boner.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 431 views
  23.  

    Wipe your feet. Have a seat. Drink this mayonnaise. When the trumpet sounds a third time, that's when the swelling goes down.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 386 views
  24.  

    Now take off the blindfold. That's right. They were bloody chicken beaks. Congratulations, you got the job.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 385 views
  25.  

    Don't forget, Mother's day is just around the...oh fuck.

    By CaptPukeFish, in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    • 0 replies
    • 368 views
×