Bingo Boy

Whenever Michael Jackson fed his son hot dogs it was pigs in a Blanket.

...and I’m all out of thumbs ever since I bought that samurai sword on Craigslist.

While I’m out of town don’t lay a finger on daddy’s sippin’ juice.

My waitress gave me a free meal so I gave her just the tip.

Every year, thousands of young boys are disappointed when they visit Lake Titicaca.

RIP Stan Lee!

Is that a gun in your pocket or do you have an erection?

It makes ordering lunch kind of difficult.

You wear them once then throw them away. Try disposable pants today!

Let the glory of God enter you through your glory hole.

If you eat stuffing it just winds up in your butt too.

There’s no sense in beating a dead horse. Live horses are fair game though, so beat away you sensible fellow!

some call me the wizard of gizzards...

The world cannot be deprived of my Shrek fan fiction any longer.

Join me as queen on the throne in my palace. I’ll show you my peen and we’ll bone with my phallus.

I’m not here to make Friends. Sitcom reunions are starting to get passé.

If you dare cross me my army of sea monkeys shall unleash their wrath upon you.

They say a bird pooping on you is good luck, but if a human does it then all of a sudden it’s a crime and I’m wanted by the police.

At Thanksgiving dinner, even the Turkey is stuffed! My uncle Larry told me that joke before going on a 45 minute rant about why Hillary should be in prison and then passing out on the couch during the Cowboys game.

Hey Hollywood, we’re still waiting on Mr. Magoo 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Snitches get stitches. So if you’re at the ER and need stitches, make sure you snitch on someone in the waiting room.

Flat-Earthers have delusional beliefs and tiny boobs.

I’ve got a taste for danger. Especially after that head injury that makes me call pies “danger”.

What am I supposed to do, NOT eat every meal at casino buffets?

I feel the need...the need for speed. Or whatever other drugs you have on you.