In the great taco wars of the future, the man with gauc and sour cream shall reign supreme.

[In the great taco wars of the future, the man with gauc and sour cream shall reign supreme.]

In the great taco wars of the future, the man with gauc and sour cream shall reign supreme.

[I’ve had enough of this, snuffleupagus! It’s time for you to get your shit together and go to Muppet rehab.]

I’ve had enough of this, snuffleupagus! It’s time for you to get your shit together and go to Muppet rehab.

[The finale of “Who’s the Boss?” was kinda disappointing. They didn’t even reveal who the boss was.]

The finale of “Who’s the Boss?” was kinda disappointing. They didn’t even reveal who the boss was.

[Ol’ Dirty Bastard always lived in the shadow of his rival, Young Clean Gentleman.]

Ol’ Dirty Bastard always lived in the shadow of his rival, Young Clean Gentleman.

[Life is a precious and fleeting gift, so that’s why I’m watching all these Sister, Sister reruns.]

Life is a precious and fleeting gift, so that’s why I’m watching all these Sister, Sister reruns.

[I have an eco-friendly living arrangement, and by that I mean I live in my Prius.]

I have an eco-friendly living arrangement, and by that I mean I live in my Prius.

[I don’t normally do this, but there’s just something about you that completely compelled me to walk over here and talk to you. Also, do you have the bathroom code for this Chipotle?]

I don’t normally do this, but there’s just something about you that completely compelled me to walk over here and talk to you.  Also, do you have the bathroom code for this Chipotle?

[When it comes to social media booty calls, carpe DMs.]

When it comes to social media booty calls, carpe DMs.

[Episode 197 - Beastly: LIVE!]

Had a blast going to this show in Brooklyn, my first HDTGM live experience.

Wouldn't it make way more sense to have Vanessa Hudgens' character HATE the beastly guy in the beginning when he was a handsome jerk, only to fall in love with him while he's Mr. Beastly?  That way there is some progression for both characters by the end. Instead she's just in love with him the whole time, even when he was an asshole. 

The big dramatic reveal ending from her perspective: Oh, this random beastly guy I've fallen in love with is actually the guy i was already in love with in the first place? Cool.

[Babes in Toyland (1986)]

This would be a great episode around Christmas time.  Whenever i visited my grandma as a kid, she only owned 2 VHS tapes.  One of them was this movie. 

I have seen this a shockingly high number of times. 

[Fateful Findings (2013)]

A Fateful Findings episode would be fun as hell.  The only slight obstacle is that I doubt there are any sincere 5 star reviews for the Second Opinions segment. 

[I flick my ciggies at the piggies ‘cause I’m a bad whittle boy.]

I flick my ciggies at the piggies ‘cause I’m a bad whittle boy.

[What is this foul stench betwixt thine cheeks? Didst thou not wash there a fortnight ago, nay one week?]

What is this foul stench betwixt thine cheeks?  Didst thou not wash there a fortnight ago, nay one week?

[The Wolf of Wall Street was a bad sequel. Nobody even turned into a werewolf and played basketball like in the first one.]

The Wolf of Wall Street was a bad sequel. Nobody even turned into a werewolf and played basketball like in the first one.

[Ear plugs go in your ears, butt plugs go in your rears.]

It’s not that kind of show.

[Your insurance only covers our cheapest cancer screening. Do you happen to know if your hand is bigger than your face?]

Your insurance only covers our cheapest cancer screening.  Do you happen to know if your hand is bigger than your face?

[The Return of the Living Dead (1985)]

I genuinely love this movie.  Its a great mix of awesome/wacky that would make for a fantastic episode, especially if they manage to do it in time for Halloween. 

[I can call you Gordon Shumway, and Gordon when you call me you can call me ALF.]

I can call you Gordon Shumway, and Gordon when you call me you can call me ALF.

[Abe Lincoln never flushed when he was done. And that’s how Lincoln logs got their name.]

Abe Lincoln never flushed when he was done. And that’s how Lincoln logs got their name.

[The Rock was a misleading movie. It didn’t even have Dwayne Johnson in it.]

The Rock was a misleading movie. It didn’t even have Dwayne Johnson in it.

[All dogs go to heaven...except for Mr. Peabody, turns out he was racist as shit.]

All dogs go to heaven...except for Mr. Peabody, turns out he was racist as shit.

[I’m banned from Fuddruckers for violating their strict “Don’t pull out your dingaling in the dining area” policy.]

I’m banned from Fuddruckers for violating their strict “Don’t pull out your dingaling in the dining area” policy.

[Most people would say immune deficiency was the boy in the bubble’s biggest problem, but he would tell you it was all the farts trapped in there.]

Most people would say immune deficiency was the boy in the bubble’s biggest problem, but he would tell you it was all the farts trapped in there.

[I’m afraid Dr. Moreau that your unorthodox medical procedure gives me paws.]

I’m afraid Dr. Moreau that your unorthodox medical procedure gives me paws.

[Blessed are the cheeks for they shall inherit the girth.]

Blessed are the cheeks for they shall inherit the girth.