TootyBut2DButt

I picked up two hitch hikers the other day, their names were Kevin James and Will Smith.

When I die I hope they bury me face down so everyone won’t notice I have a boner.

I’ll give you a pearl necklace said the oyster to the person he was ejaculating onto.

The Spotify algorithm thinks I’m a fucking loser.

I get hot as hell when you ring my bell. My clapper starts a-swinging’, when you put your thing in.

If you think sodomy is taboo wait till I gomorrize you.

I heard David and Goliath actually fucked.

Sure raw sewage is disgusting, but cooked sewage is a lovely start to any meal.

A slippery slope for a slippery Pope.

Some people have greatness thrust upon them, some people thrust upon greatness.

Did you know the game “duck duck goose” was originally called “ice ice baby”, but was changed when the song came out.

I hate to be politically incorrect, but Democrats are associated with the color red and Republicans are associated with the color blue.

If you want a good push-up bra, get a sports bra, they’re great for push-ups.

I am happy to see you and I appreciate you thinking my dick could reach all the way to my pocket.

I’ve got a great gynecologist who will do a penis for half price.

It turns out Victoria’s Secret is that her overpriced undergarments are made by exploited workers in Southeast Asia, which isn’t as sexy a secret as those ads were suggesting.

I’m a very punctual person but somehow I’m still always late to the party.

My nickname in college was Beef Stew but you can call me by my Christian name: Beefaroni Stewart

Guess who’s got two thumbs... And yes, I am thinking of one specific person.

I’ve been struggling to have oral sex with my Spanish-speaking girlfriend so I started using Duolingus.

Humpty Dumpty sat on my lap, Humpty Dumpty took a big crap. Then he had a little “accident” on a wall.

After a dark period the Hamburglar has moved on from Hamburglaring to Ham-murdering.

My baby is reverse balding.

Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species; in every part of the world they’re making lots of feces.

In high school I was in a gang of average girls called the mean girls.