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Everything posted by TootyBut2DButt

  1. I've never saved a life with the Heimlich maneuver but I have saved countless lives with the HAIM-Lick maneuver.
  2. After I mated with my bicycle I became a spokesperson.
  3. It’s time for catchphrase submitters to unionize.
  4. While less misogynistic, off the body wet t-shirt contests are pretty boring.
  5. I hate to make excuses about my penis but that’s why my nickname is Dick Caveat.
  6. Yankee Doodle went to town on that pony.
  7. I got addicted to censoring films so I had to join MPAA.
  8. A good solution to gang violence would be to let Kool run more of them. How often have you heard about The Gang getting in trouble since Kool took over.
  9. ISIS? More like cry-SIS, those guys are babies.
  10. I’m horny for New Zealand.
  11. Imagine if it really was raining men.
  12. In cum, in neck koala tea.
  13. This is CNN reporting that a child you never knew and never could have known has died in a horrible way. The tragicness of their death was only eclipsed by the tragedy that was their life. Feels sad, you sadness bitch.
  14. TootyBut2DButt

    Judas was a patsy.

    Judas was a patsy.
  15. You can't hear the actors on the recording? Did you try putting a microphone on the end of a long stick and holding it over their heads?
  16. For every zoomer with a tumor there's a boomer with a lot of medical debt.
  17. I just found out my wife has been faking her moon landings for years now.
  18. Turtlenecks were invented as a prank.
  19. "Things are getting pretty hot and heavy." said the man traveling to the dense molten core of the sun.
  20. Whoopsie, I accidentally left Jeff Bezos in space!
  21. The writer of “between a rock and a hard place” really phoned it in for the second half of that phrase.
  22. Some of the biggest homophobes I know are children.
  23. Who would have guessed that out of the three guys in Derrick that Donald would be the one to make it big.
  24. If people could hear the fart I just did they would no longer like or respect me.
  25. People love a sneak peek but they hate when I sneak and peek.