TootyBut2DButt

I’m a man of my word and that word and that word is “lying”.

Martin Scorsese gets a little crazy when you drop him on the dance floor bobe obe shabobe.

My sanity hinged on the understanding that this was butter.

As a stripper I miss the stage but it’s nice being able to twerk from home.

Here’s a tip, brush with a toothbrush made of floss to save time in the morning.

Parents spanking their kids? Questionable. Kids spanking their parents? Unquestionably weird.

My gynecologist is a real vagician.

After I humpty, I dumpty.

Other than his clavicle, he doesn’t have a racist bone is his body, but boy does that clavicle have some issues.

I don’t have a racist bone in my body. I keep my racist bones in the garage.

He doesn’t have a racist bone in his body, it’s his brain that is the problem.

I shit on things I hate, cum on things I like, and sneeze on things I’m apathetic to. Anyway you slice it, you’re getting some sort of bodily discharge.

Want to feel old? Can’t help you. Want to feel an old person? My grandparents are right here and they’re horny as hell.

If Euripides won an Oscar it would be for best short.

Rub two sticks together you’ve got a fire. Rub two dicks together you’ve got a movie.

There’s nothing more attractive than confidence, other than horses.

Titillate me, Captain.

There’s a lot of lotion in the world, but not enough for for that.

You can't make an omelette if you're Jason Mantzoukas.

From “smell my finger” to “pull my finger”: the crassness of finger based humor.

Can someone spit in my mouth? I’ve run out of spit.

Comparing apples to oranges is easy, apples kick ass.

Put your guitar down and clean your room, Jonithan Bonithan Jovithan.

If you’re going to have sexual congress make sure you bring a Whip.

Butter my balls and put ‘em in the oven, I’m gettin’ hungry for a hot bowl of lovin’.