TootyBut2DButt

You give glove a bad name, Michael Jackson.

Sometimes I get so horny I want to have sex.

I love to be satisfied, but I’m insatiable.

I’m going to be on the Love Island spin-off, Glove Island, where a bunch single people wearing gloves are put on an island and just kind of play it by ear after that.

Pictures of penis available upon request, all requests will be denied.

Praying for the victims of the Impractical Jokers tonight.

Judas was a patsy.

Fuck me softly, fuck me loudly, whatever you do just fuck me proudly.

Hey wait a second. I think this song might be a metaphor for having sex!

Uh, why didn’t Don Henley and Glenn Frey just take the Ring to Mordor?

People who don’t have toilet plungers in their bathrooms are sadists.

One time John Maynard Keynes gave me an invisible handjob.

The cause of death was ruled suicide by diarrhea.

Sometimes I like to get really horny and then jerk off to completion.

My favorite way to jerk off? To completion.

The best way to loosen things up south of the border is to do jalapeño poppers.

Laughter is my drug and podcasts are my dealer.

Someone poisoned my food…with shit.

Friends are like flowers in the garden of life. Enemies are like flies in the shit-heap of death.

The beefy queefy has gone down as the worst selling item ever at Carl’s Jr.

I thought my shit didn’t stink until one day I smelled it and was like, oh my god this smells like shit.

When I was a kid a rom com meant a Romanian comedian.

I love broiled food.

There’s a raven rapping at my chamber door. That’s so raven.

Aquaman’s mom had to have a sea section.