TootyBut2DButt

The writer of “between a rock and a hard place” really phoned it in for the second half of that phrase.

Some of the biggest homophobes I know are children.

Who would have guessed that out of the three guys in Derrick that Donald would be the one to make it big.

If people could hear the fart I just did they would no longer like or respect me.

People love a sneak peek but they hate when I sneak and peek.

At a certain level of stinkiness, it is illegal to fart on someone.

Much like any macroeconomic environment my dick has a choice between inflation or unemployment.

Call me the Fed because my rate of interest has been at 0% for a long time and shows no sign of increasing.

Trying to convince my dad to get a divorce so I can make some step-brother porn.

I actually hate practical effects.

No, Tomatoes, please!!!

Does anyone want to practice networking with me?

“Crypto currency? Take off the “o” and then you’ve got something!” said the Crypt Keeper.

I don’t think these flies ever even cared about the fruit.

I am the least racist catchphrase submitter you will ever meet.

I wish my genitals were pixelated.

To be honest everyone kind of looks like everybody else.

I wear a top hat so people won’t know I’m actually a bottom.

God was the original body builder.

I don’t have a pot to piss in or a toilet to make soup in.

I don’t have a pot to piss in but thankfully I have a toilet.

If global warming is such a big problem then how come I’m ignoring it?!

I can guarantee you, if I haven’t given you a handjob you don’t even know what a handjob is.

Everyone talks about how Family Guy is problematic but no one ever says how effed up it is that Stewie wants to murder Lois.

Why are penises different lengths? It’s natures way of telling you what a healthy serving of onion rings is. However many onion rings you can fit on your penis, that’s how many you should eat a day.