TootyBut2DButt

My wife kicked me out of bed so now I’m sleeping on a cot in a bad romance.

More like Aaron Dorkin.

Render unto Cesar, motherfuckers!

Bees don't have knees but they do have needs, Sharon!

Is that some al dente spaghetti in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?

Everyone hates on the manic-pixie-dream-girl, but she's much preferable to the depressive-troll-nightmare-man.

"Congratulations you played yourself." said DJ Khaled to the player piano.

When shorty gets low, you get high.

My boat has a scrote which keeps it afloat.

I have the world’s strongest penis.

If they'd actually met a deaf leopard they wouldn't have named their band that. There's nothing funny about that, those leopards have hard lives.

I like to think of my esophagus as a tunnel to my butt.

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me unless they are the words “I am going to break your bones with sticks and stones.”

The SKA revival is coming and when it does you’ll pay for what you’ve done.

Stop doing weird things with food.

Hey girl, are you Jesus? Because your father wanted me to give your whereabouts to the local authorities...by kissing you.

How come British people need the word “dogging”? What’s going on over there?

Let them listen to Cake.

I’m horny but not like that.

Imagine if your butthole was on the back of your head.

I love rich people. Sometimes people can be a little too lean or fatty but a nice succulent rich person is delicious.

I tried to schlick my schlong but it was full of schlerm.

You can blow your nose but you can’t blow your friends.

Salt a snail and it will melt, pepper a snail it gets super sexy.

I’m a card carrying card carrier.