TootyBut2DButt

I love car kisses, dead ass.

If I can paraphrase an animated Candelabra I saw one time, be my guest.

My kankles are full of thick rich bisque, take out your straw and get on down to slurp town.

I did some roll play to spice up my sex life, a buttered Kaiser roll worked best.

They’re coming out with a porn version of the Bible with new sexed up books like (sex) Acts, (hand) Job and Numbers (specifically the number 69).

I put the ass tease is in Ecclesiastes.

I’ve been having some major dick winters too if you know what I mean.

The besth way to cook your beeths is to put them in a beeth oven.

If one of the instruments in you’re rendition of 1812 Overture isn’t a cannon, then you’re doing it wrong. And you might be a redneck.

They put me on jury duty because I’ve got a big jury booty.

Haikus are stupid/They’re very arbitrary/Dooby dooby dooby doo.

Now that I’m vaccinated does anyone want to come to a mouth spitting party at my house?

Did you know that every culture in the world has a word for the taint except the Canadians.

Unfortunately, I’ve been the victim of a prank.

“Peeping” doesn’t even begin to illustrate the extent of Tom’s crimes.

“Just in case you need some extra incentive to get vaccinated, I got vaccinated and my genitals got three inches longer.” said Dame Judy Dench

If you think my tweets have aged poorly then you should see my body.

I don’t like documentaries, or rockumentaries but I love a good meet-the-fockumentary.

When the people create customs, norms, and behaviors that are acceptable to a society or social group that's a more.

People don't respect adverbs.

Scott Aukerman here and I just want to say I think Dave Chappelle is a hack and I could beat him in a roast battle.

My Spanish is so bad I’m embarazado.

I propose some toast. It’s breakfast time.

When all you have is hammer pants everything looks like a chance to hammer dance.

I’ve got a booty that just won’t quit, but unfortunately it was fired.