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OptimusPrimate

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About OptimusPrimate

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  1. You miss 100% of the shots you don't make!
  2. It was the best of times, it was the bratwurst of times.
  3. He tracks black slacks back to back but lacks plaques and fat stacks
  4. I keep my toenails in a jar by the bed and one day they will all be yours!
  5. You know what they say; if life gives you lemons, shove a whole lemon in your mouth and say "The flustered mustard hustled Custer's custard"
  6. You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Flasher and Tim. Droopy, and Sloopy, and Fat Backwoods Jim. But do you recall the greatest dirtbag of all? It turns out it's Tim.
  7. I like my women like I like my orange juice; full of pulp and past the expiration date.
  8. You don't like me and I don't like you, but something tells me we'll be balls deep in each other by new year.
  9. You know what they say; There's more than one way to sell your body for crack.
  10. A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a corpse, of course. That is, of course, unless that corpse is the famous Mr. Dead (sung to the Mr Ed theme... Of course)
  11. 99 bottles of beer on the wall... On the wall?! What kind of full blown psycho hangs 99 bottles of beer on the wall?! I'll take one from the frigde, thank you.
  12. My neighbor keeps telling me to stop eating his cats, but how else does he expect me to get all those extra lives?
  13. Backstreet's back, and Blackstreet's black. My name is Shirley and I'll dance around for 5 dollars and a hot lunch!
  14. I, Scott Auckerman, upon my death, bequeath all of my belongings, stakeholdings and liquid assets to the author of this catchphrase submission. No backsies.
  15. Flick me in the face and call me Sherry! Your mom's ugly, gross and scary!
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