alfredosolisfuentes

Stabbing a baby is almost never a good idea

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask where the hell is my can of beans. I left it right here and now it’s gone. If I don’t find it, I will eat my own head.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said if I had a nickel, I would have two nickels.

You know what they say, mom never loved you.

The only thing we have to fear is my old nemesis Bruno Duro and his handy hook hand that he uses to pull people’s intestines out

I am good friends with Marlon Brando’s ghost. Friends with benefits that is. His ghost penis is small but powerful

The only thing I smoke is salmon and it gets me high as balls

There’s Donald Duck and there’s Daffy Duck but where is Dicky Duck? The answer coming to you in the next segment but first let’s watch dogs driving monster trucks

As a man wearing a chicken costume, I must declare I need you inside my heart

I gotta admit, I could defeat 7 dogs wielding nunchucks with their mouths, not 8

Syphilis may be a venereal disease but it’s my venereal disease

Mee-ow! The pussymobile has crashed into the orphanage and there are no survivors.

I can’t read so if this makes sense that’s a miracle. You should believe in God now.

I have been very patient so I think it’s finally time for McDonalds to do what it promised me and a million others. Give Grimace a slow and violent death.

You voted online and it has been decided. Ben and Jerry will never speak to each other ever again. I hope you are happy.

The only thing we have to fear is my son’s best friend wrecking my ass at the town’s breakdancing competition since that means my wife gets full custody and I’ll never see my son again.

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. My grandpa’s brain will not fit in my head since my brain is already there. There’s no room. Sorry, you gotta die gramps.

If at first you don’t succeed, go fuck yourself

Soylent Green is People Magazine

Mother always said mayo was for the weak. I now realize that every bodybuilder has a gallon of mayo a day and that’s what their muscles are filled with. Mother lied to me.

Sex is like chocolate. I like it in my ass.

It’s like mother always said. The penis is a weapon that can be used to hunt squirrels

If masturbation is murder then I guess I’m Robert Blake

My boyfriend cheated on me so I had sex with his grandpa. Him being dead only made payback sweeter.

Sorry for your loss but that doesn’t mean you can come to my house, take cheese out of my fridge, and rub it on your chest until you are happy again. You must accept Jimmy is gone